A hard actor to follow:When you're christened Cristiano Ronaldo Dos Santos Aveiro you really have to end up as a footballer, rather than, say, an accountant or a chiropodist, because it's a seriously proper footballer's name.

We suspect we're the last to know this, but we always assumed bits of his name came from footballing greats of the past.

Not so, according to his mother, Dolores, who told yesterday's Sunday Mirror he was so named because his late father's "favourite actor was the former US president Ronald Reagan".

Just think, if his father had been more a "Get off your horse and drink your milk" man, United might now be fielding two Waynes up front.

Quotes of the week

"We looked world beaters going forward and panel-beaters when defending."

- Wigan manager Paul Jewell reflecting on his side's 3-3 kamikaze draw with Spurs.

"Lonely seat seeks bottom."

- The slogan used by Aberdeen in their advertising campaign designed to get the fans back to Pittodrie.

"I look forward to taking the club into a new era."

- The new Luton chairman, David Pinkney, eight days before the club was relegated.

"Rafa is not going anywhere. He's under contract and he told me that his wife has said that if he ever left, he'd have to go without her because she's staying in Liverpool."

- Liverpool co-owner Tom Hicks on the influence of Mrs Benitez (Montse), renamed "Scousewife" by The Sun last week.

"He's often been compared to a movie star and I can see why. He's like a top romantic leading man. He's got the same charisma as someone like George Clooney."

- Photographer Terry O'Neil on Harry Redknapp.

Gerrard less red than he seems

Liverpool co-owner Tom Hicks was busy last week reassuring supporters that Rafa Benitez, Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher would all be staying at the club, quashing talk of the manager being Real Madrid-bound, and revealing that both players were in talks about extending four-year contracts they signed in 2005. "I don't think the people of Liverpool can ever think of seeing Gerrard in a blue shirt," said Hicks. Err, see photo.

More quotes of the week

"I recommended Scotland to him and asked if any of his family had been shagging north of the border. It turns out that they had, so I'm delighted. I've spoken to the Scotland manager and said I think he'd be a great asset for him. It'd be nice to see him in a kilt."

- Derby manager Billy Davies on discovering his English forward Steve Howard's Scottish roots.

"Why don't we want the American at our club? Call me old-fashioned but we don't need his money and we don't want his sort. Americans . . . know absolutely sweet FA about our football and we don't want these type of people involved. Our objective is to keep Arsenal English - albeit with a lot of foreign players."

- Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood tells Stan Kroenke where to stick his dollars. But that's one big "albeit" Peter (thanks to Paul O'Sullivan).

"The weather over here is killing me. We'll get one day of sunshine for every 30 days of rain and it is driving me to despair. My girlfriend and my mother are frightened about not seeing the sun in England."

- Arsenal's Julio Baptista, who, by the sounds of it, has been living under an umbrella since he arrived in London.

"The teams from the north of England are terrible. When we play them I have counted their centre-backs booting up to 30 long balls upfield per game."

- Not sure if Baptista is talking about Bolton or Manchester United.

"The next time I go to the theatre I am going to let some thespians have it. It might make me feel better and then I will claim I pay their wages when I leave."

- Stuart Pearce, tired of moaning Manchester City fans, threatens to chant "You're not fit to wear the shirt" the next time he attends a play in the Old Vic.

Watford scrape the barrel

Hearty thanks to Chris O'Neill, who contacted us last week with some Watford news, before their relegation was confirmed.

"It probably tells us all we need to know about poor Watford's season that one of the goals they've nominated for their 'goal of the season' award was . . . a penalty." Indeed, enough said.

Even more quotes of the week

"He would have to move completely from California to England . . . London eats you up with skin and hair. No one has time there."

- Franz Beckenbauer believes Jürgen Klinsmann is the man for the Chelsea job, but doesn't make London sound hugely attractive.

"Poland and Ukraine are surely a worthy winner. However, there are no losers today, rather only bids that have not won this time round."

- The message from the Uefa president, Michel Platini, to Italy and Croatia/Hungary - you didn't lose, you just didn't win - after they missed out on hosting the 2012 European Championship.

"I probably will be man-marked next season or teams will double up on me."

- Truly, Aston Villa's Gabriel Agbonlahor needs to start believing in himself.

"We're withdrawing our interest in the Intertoto Cup."

- Inverness Caledonian Thistle director of football Graeme Bennett after discovering Elton John was booked to play at the club's ground on the same date as a potential Intertoto tie. No, we haven't made this up.

"If they play well, they will win. If they don't play well, they will get a penalty and still win."

- Jose Mourinho suggests Manchester United have a slight advantage over his boys in the title race.