Get real
Party planning, present buying, cake baking, house cleaning, card sending – it’s starting to feel a lot like Christmas overwhelm. Before your to-do list gets out of control, do a reality check, says Susi Lodola, a cognitive behavioural therapist accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
“You see the perfect Christmas on telly – the cosy home, the lights, the food, the family all around – and you can start to think you have to achieve that fantasy, but the reality looks very different,” says Lodola. “Instead of telling yourself that things need to look a certain way, try to be realistic. Christmas doesn’t have to be ‘perfect’. Tell yourself, I’m okay if it’s not perfect.”
Make a list
Yes, just like Santa, make a list, and a short one at that. This will help to limit Christmas scope creep. “Pick maybe three or four things that you absolutely want to do,” says Lodola. “One could be, I want to bake my own Christmas cake; I want to have a night out with these friends; and I want to have Christmas dinner in my house. By limiting your list to a few key things, you will feel your anxiety levels coming down.” Choose the things you absolutely want to do and then let the others go.
Present-giving arms race
Are you locked in a cycle of gift-giving, exchanging unwanted and unused gifts to fulfil seasonal obligations? Now is the time to shout “Stop!” Money is tight for many this Christmas and spending can send anxiety levels sky high. “Speak to the people you normally exchange presents with and say, Can we do Kris Kindle this year, or, Let’s donate some money to charity instead,” says Lodola. This will help rein in financial anxiety as well as waste. If it’s too late to call a truce for this year, make a pact to change in 2023.
Respect others
If someone declines your invitation, do not get the hump. After two years of restrictions, many of us are still recalibrating. Allow others to do Christmas at their own pace. “For people with social anxiety, Christmas is not actually a good time, especially since coming out of Covid,” says Lodola. “Social anxiety may have intensified because we were used to not having to do certain things and now the expectation is we have to.” When it comes to party invites, give yourself and others a break.
And remember, family gatherings do not have to all hinge on Christmas day. If you cannot or do not want to squeeze everything into the 25th, ask for help. “Say, Look, it’s too much, I can’t do it this year. Can we visit on the 26th instead? This is just too much for me right now,” says Lodola.
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Don’t ‘should’ yourself
To stop stress from ratcheting up, try to take 10 minutes a day alone, without distractions, to just be with yourself, says Lodola. “Ask yourself, How am I feeling, am I feeling anxious right now? Anxiety manifests in the body – maybe a racing heart, headache, shortness of breath or a sore tummy. If this is happening, ask yourself, What’s going on here? You need to take a breather or change something,” she says. Check in with your thoughts. “If you catch yourself thinking, I should, or, I have to, those are anxiety-provoking thoughts. You could replace them with, It would be nice if I could bake a cake this year, or, I would love to meet the girls for lunch this year, but if I don’t have time, that’s okay.”
