Deciding which college or course to take at the age of 17 or 18 is one of those life-changing moments. It will likely, but not definitively, affect the trajectory of a person’s 20s, if not their life.
It’s a difficult decision and it doesn’t always come down to the cost and logistics of a commute or rent. While these practical matters will possibly sway opinions on one course over another, it comes down to interest, intent, passion and ultimately career.
How can a school leaver make that choice without it becoming a somewhat pressurised decision?
Parents most often step in and help balance the conversation with their personal insights into college life, affordability and learning ability.
RM Block
But where is the line between encouraging a young adult to take a course because you deem it suitable to their skills and talents, and supporting their instinct and interest for something else?
There is a significant difference in being a “supporter” for your school leaver and a “decision maker”. A parent’s role is to support them, encourage them to explore and give them the confidence to make their own decisions.
“Parents are the single biggest influence on what a young person chooses after the Leaving Cert,” says Emma McEvoy, commercial director at whichcollege.ie. “We see it every year. Parents researching courses, entry requirements and costs with their teenagers. The challenge is that many parents are going on their own experience of college, and today’s options, from apprenticeships and PLC courses to whole new degree areas, look very different.”
Researching the multiple choices available for your young adult is almost an education in itself, so be prepared to learn about the new dynamics of education. Start early if you envisage it to be as overwhelming for you as it could be for your teenager. McEvoy suggests that the families who do best in troubleshooting this decision, start in fourth or fifth year rather than waiting for the CAO deadline, which allows a decision to be made when calm and relatively unstressed.
A parents’ involvement matters because, as McEvoy says “picking the wrong course is one of the main reasons students don’t make it past first year. The key is to support, not decide. Parents know their teenager’s strengths and temperament better than anyone, so they’re well placed to act as a sounding board and widen the options rather than steer towards one path.”
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Noya Fernandez del Cotero, director of Student Recruitment at UCD, believes parents should attend college open days with their school leavers, particularly when they are first exploring different colleges and the many course options available. “The college system, vast course choices, qualifications, and the application process can be unfamiliar to both students and parents, so attending together gives parents a better understanding of the options and allows them to provide informed support,” she says.
“I also think teenagers should have the opportunity to explore options independently and with friends at college open days. Friends may ask questions they might not think of themselves, although there is a risk of being influenced by what their peers consider ‘cool’ rather than what suits them personally.”
Camille Rocca, NCAD Student recruitment manager, agrees that college open days are for everyone and that parents and peers alike can bring great questions. NCAD encourages that kind of bold and curious thinking. They host their open day on a midweek so that prospective students can see the studios in full swing.
”Many students visit with their school, led by an Art, DCG, or Guidance teacher,” says Rocca. “Others come alone or with a friend. Everyone is welcome. And many parents step back once their teenager settles in, but still enjoy the day. Open days add something different. You feel the atmosphere and see the facilities. Student life is about so much more than what you learn. You become part of a community.”
Parents are natural worriers when it comes to their children’s future and a decision they may deem risky or unrealistic may in fact be the making of them. Rocca has recognised that “people succeed best if they study what they are genuinely curious to know more about”.
Added to that, every course brings additional, possibly unexpected, skills. As Rocca points out, “every degree builds transferable skills. Students learn to think creatively and solve problems. They learn to analyse, research and collaborate with others. Those skills travel into every career.”
There are plenty of approaches a parent can take when supporting school leavers in making this very difficult but exciting decision. Honest conversations are the best, especially when it comes to finances and the practical matters of transport, accommodation and fees. Equally, a parent can ask their young adult questions about their expectations of themselves, the course, the campus and college life. But ultimately encourage an independent decision.
McEvoy reiterates that parents should “go to open days together, look at what students actually study in first year, and remember the CAO isn’t the only route. Further education and apprenticeships should be on the table from the start.”
She also suggests that when there is a battle of wills, parents and students should “separate the course from the career, and the emotion from the information. Most of the conflict comes from parents worrying about job security and teenagers wanting to do something they love, and those are rarely as far apart as they first seem.”
Agree on the facts together, she advises, which includes understanding the course content, where it leads and where graduates end up.
“Then set out your concerns honestly once and let your child make the call. Nothing is final, and it’s better to back a decision your child owns than win the argument and lose their motivation.”
Rocca says that parents can help their school leavers make a good choice by “listening and talking about their hopes for the future. One piece of advice we hear often at NCAD is worth sharing. Unsure exactly what to study? Choose a broad degree in the area you love. That might be science, literature or design. You can specialise in year two or three, once you know more.”
Personal dreams are important too and shouldn’t be dismissed but accounted for in their choice. Fernandez del Cotero suggests that parents should encourage students to have aspirational choices on their CAO regardless of Leaving Cert points, not to limit their student before they have even begun. “Realistic course choices should follow and finish off with safety-net course choices,” she says. “These preferences should be made regardless of points.”
In all and perhaps most importantly, parents and students should remember as Fernandez del Cotero says: “Their first choice is important, but it doesn’t have to define their whole future, there are many alternative routes available into college and choosing a course at age 17 or 18 does not mean deciding the rest of their life.”
