In 2017, Vincent Wall found out that his daughter Estlin had been killed in a crash caused by truck driver Senan O’Flaherty on a main road between Inagh and Ennistymon in north Clare, weeks after his three-year-old had died.
“For me, there are various stages to the nightmare – there is the nightmare of waking up in hospital after the crash and not knowing why I am there. Then, there is the nightmare of knowing why you are there,” he recalled this week.
“I wasn’t told about what had happened, or that Estlin had died, for a few weeks. Then there is the nightmare of trying to really understand that when your mind doesn’t work the same as it should.”
On Tuesday, Vincent and his wife Amy looked on in Ennis Circuit Court as Judge Francis Comerford reduced Mr O’Flaherty’s four-year driving ban by one year, following a successful application by the west Clare farmer.
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It was the first time since Mr O’Flaherty was charged in October 2017 that the couple heard him speak, despite sitting through hearings in the District Court, Circuit Court, Court of Appeal and their daughter’s inquest.
In the witness box, the 66-year-old from Lower Gowerhass in Cooraclare, Co Clare, gave his reasons for why he believed he should get his driving licence back early over the crash that took place on March 15th, 2017.
The judge put it to him that his driving that day had caused “terrible damage”, and asked him: “How do you feel about that?”
He replied: “What can I say? Anybody that loses a child, your honour, it is sad. I was 40 years driving, that is all I can say.”
His words are important to the Walls, but not in a good way, Amy says. “It was good to have that experience, and seeing Senan O’Flaherty given the opportunity once and for all to apologise, and not see him do it – it releases us from that expectation,” she said.
“I had always held out hope of maybe getting a letter in the mail or something from his solicitors that he wished to speak to us or something. An apology is something we had been waiting for the entire time.
“We have never seen it from him. Never felt it from him. It is something that we had hoped for, but I never really expected. He has not shown us in his character that it was something he would do. We are not going to get that. It is something we have to let go of now.
“He could easily just say: ‘I am very sorry that this has happened to them’, or ‘I think about Estlin’, or any number of combination of words to express remorse – and he didn’t.”
I have learned to live with it. I am not any less injured, but I am better at being injured
Today, Vincent lives with a life-changing brain injury: “My life is nothing like I was before, but I am functioning in a certain way. I have learned to live with it. I am not any less injured, but I am better at being injured.”
The Walls did have a voice in the criminal proceedings against Mr O’Flaherty, where they both gave devastating Victim Impact evidence on the loss of Estlin and the injuries to Vincent.
However, Irish law dictates that they had to remain silent this week and had no legal standing to tell Judge Comerford why they believed that Mr O’Flaherty should not get his licence back early.
“I felt in particular that Vinnie’s voice needs to be heard,” says Amy, “because he was a victim in this too, and has not driven or worked since that day. That is a hardship he is going to experience for the rest of his life.
“He can’t go to court and request to be fixed, and have a judge say: ‘I’ll fix your brain now and you can drive and work again’.”
Amy adds that laws should be changed “because we are the ones who are affected the most by the judge’s decision”.
Asked what he would have said, Vincent said: “I would have said that I am suffering. I am suffering in more ways than one. I am grieving the loss of Estlin along with my family. I am also trying to adapt to living with a brain injury, which is very difficult.”
In his ruling, Judge Comerford attached particular weight to a leukaemia diagnosis for Mr O’Flaherty, who lives three miles outside the nearest town, when deciding to reduce the driving ban by a year.
“I was in disbelief. I was just in shock when I heard the judge make the ruling. Sympathy for an individual shouldn’t mean that they change their view on a crime. It doesn’t make sense,” says Vincent.
“It was like a punch to the gut,” says his wife, who walked out of court before the judge had finished, but after he agreed to her request to defer the restoration of the licence until after what would have been Estlin’s 10th birthday at the end of March:
“I have always wanted to stay strong and dignified for Estlin, and be a good representation of our love for her,” said Amy. “In court, I could tell that I was losing the power to hold back, so I got up and left, as I couldn’t sit there any more. It is hard to know why he couldn’t have left it another year.”
She added that they have received “overwhelming” support from their local community and the public, bar one example: they received a letter “a while back” telling them to “leave Senan O’Flaherty alone. It was very, very upsetting. We have no idea who it came from. We reported it to the gardaí anyway”.
Asked his views on Mr O’Flaherty today, Vincent says: “I am very angry with him. I am disgusted that he wasn’t able to serve his driving ban which was the minimal punishment that he deserved.”
The couple have two other children: Lucie, who will be 3 in May, and Mannix, aged 6. Last August, the family returned to the nearby Lahinch beach for the first time since Estlin’s death. “It was her favourite spot,” says Amy.
Lahinch is an important place in the story of Estlin’s death, since Senan O’Flaherty was bringing a load of rock to bolster the sea protection works at the beach on the day of the crash.
“It was one of those places we found hard to return to.,” said Amy. “But we did go there on a sunny day in August. I dived into the waves and found it to be a very healing experience. Estlin is buried across the bay.
“There was something very special about getting into the water and knowing she is close by. It was about taking power over something that is a very heartbreaking reminder and making it something happier.”
I can have a really good cry in our bedroom and go downstairs and put on a load of laundry and sit down and watch a show with the kids – that is just how life moves forward now
On the grieving process for Estlin, Amy says: “It doesn’t get harder or easier – I have formed a very good relationship with my grieving process. I know now that the intense feeling of grief doesn’t last all day, every day. It comes and goes.
“I can have a really good cry in our bedroom and go downstairs and put on a load of laundry and sit down and watch a show with the kids – that is just how life moves forward now.”
The events of the week with the court hearing and subsequent media interviews talking about Estlin and the crash has brought all those initial feelings back to the surface.
“It is incredibly draining to be thinking about it all again. It took me right back in Temple Street Hospital in March 2017. Literally, the only thing I could stomach for the four days we were in with Estlin was tea and toast,” says Amy.
This week, the memory of tea and toast returned. “Something as simple as that can trigger your emotions and your grief and remembering that absolute feeling of shock and horror,” she said.
“There is nothing that brings Estlin back. There is no real justice when a loved one or child has died. All we can do now is keep moving forward, and talk and reminisce about her with family and friends, and carry her in everything we do.”
