And to think your first demo sounded so good! There you were – you and your mates, in your rehearsal space, in your sewn-on jeans and your late teenage sweat, listening back to the not-really-brilliant recording of a few of your early attempts at songwriting.
You can hear the flaws in the tunes, and at least one of your band mates mutters swear words above the sound of the music, but the sense you all get from this first playback is that the ability to pluck the elusive “magic” out of the air and display it for all to hear, is in your collective grasp. You have yet to acknowledge the existence of the phrase “creative differences” because you and your mates are lifelong friends. You are blood brothers and sisters. You are the five musketeers or the riot grrls and you don’t want to mess with that. You are one and you are the same – yes, even the percussionist you don’t know very well and whom you asked to join the band because she knew what a coaxial cable looked like.
Consider yourself lucky if you're in a band that actually manages to get out of the garage – most bands don't get that far. After a few attempts at trying to acquire some level of musicianship and songwriting know-how, many bands realise that the logistics of actually getting time to rehearse can be mind-boggling. That pesky thing your parents unfairly – like, really unfairly – term "real life" often kicks it right out of the playing field.
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Interestingly, however, you start to understand something your parents have been familiar with for quite some time: self-sacrifice. You don’t mind travelling long distances, bus-hopping, for virtually no financial gain. And you don’t mind being stuck in a room with the other people, because they’re dreaming the same dream as you. So what if the drummer is a full-time medical student? So what if the guitarist works part-time as assistant manager at Dorothy Perkins? So what if the bass player smokes more jazz Woodbines than you’d ideally like? And so what if your good self – the band’s rather slim, good-looking lead singer – is married and is the parent of two kids under the age of five?
You make it out of the garage; you overcome the nitty-gritty of time pressure and personal commitments, and you start writing songs that you eventually play to your friends and family. The responses are encouraging – even from your uncle with the ridiculous ponytail (he likes the “vibe” of the tunes, which makes you feel a bit queasy). The very early gigs go reasonably well, although at each subsequent show your guest list for friends and family members decreases. Yet you are progressing nicely, gradually. You get reviews from a few enthusiastic bloggers, and a week later, at your next gig, you see more people paying in than are on the guest list.
You notice, however, that the guitarist likes to direct the collective songwriting style (well, it’s supposed to be collective) more to her own taste than to anyone else’s. You notice that the bass player likes to really show off on stage. You notice that the drummer is requesting more fills and breaks so that, as he says, “I can express myself better”. You also notice that the percussion player’s boyfriend is extremely handsome. But you bite your tongue and you zip your lip. Focus. Focus. Focus.
Within a year, you sign a small record deal with a solid indie label. You release your debut single, and have a batch of about 20 new songs that you all reckon you can whittle down to 13 for your debut album.
Sadly, however, the recording of your debut album never happens. Why? Well, the good ship goes down in a manner something like the following: the guitarist feels the new tracks sounds dated and wants to write all subsequent material on her own. The bass player (who you always thought was a bit dodge) has upset his drug-dealing friends and ends up with two broken arms. The drummer wants to bring a pair of bongos on stage, but is vetoed, so he walks. The percussion player finds out about you and her boyfriend’s weekend away in Carlingford, and tries (almost successfully) to ram her mini xylophone down your throat.
Which means that for the next few weeks you will not be able to sing. You come to the conclusion that reality is indeed a bummer. And that first demo? It doesn’t sound so good now. The “vibe” just wasn’t right, was it?
PUSH THE BUTTON: A selection of band break-ups
GUNS N' ROSES
And it started so well with 1987's massive hit album, Appetite for Destruction. Sadly, the aptly titled record could only lead to a decline in the band's personal relationships. Drugs played a predictably tragic part – original drummer Steven Adler was chucked out due to his addiction, and then lead singer Axl Rose's (right) behavior became intolerable. Indeed, things turned so sour that when G N'R were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Rose refused to attend because his former bandmates were in the same building.
SUGABABES
Has there ever been a girl band with such a revolving-door policy? Formed in 1998 by Siobhan Donaghy, Mutya Buena and Keisha Buchanan, here are the personnel changes in full: Donaghy was replaced by former Atomic Kitten Heidi Range; Buena was replaced by Amelie Berrabah; Buchanan was replaced by Jade Ewen; Berrabah left. Currently, the "Sugababes" title is on ice, but the original three members - Donaghy, Buena and Buchanan - may be releasing a new album this year under the moniker MKS. Phew!
OASIS
Now for the fractious brothers, Noel and Liam Gallagher. They fought like mad dogs during the early days of Oasis, but it all came to head about five years ago in Paris when a backstage brawl turned into a guitar-smashing festival, which then turned into fisticuffs of the non-Queensbury Rules kind. Will the band reform this year? Watch this space.
SMASHING PUMPKINS
Some bands think they're run on democratic lines, but most aren't. A case in point is Smashing Pumpkins, which was ruled with an iron fist by Billy Corgan. Amid drugs and spite, the band split in 2000, but is a going concern again, with two albums (Monuments to An Elegy and Day for Night) scheduled for release next year
THE WANTED
As if we cared, this UK/Irish boyband announced that they would be splitting up in order to pursue "personal endeavors". We predict an early reunion tour.
VIVIAN GIRLS
Formed in 2007, Brooklyn's Vivian Girls – Cassie Ramone, Katy Goodman and Ali Koehler (who replaced original member, Frankie Rose) – split up earlier this year, citing as the reason a need to engage in a range of solo projects. Pity – the band's Shangri- Las' Spector-esque punk/pop will be sorely missed.
THE BEAUTIFUL SOUTH
In 2007, following 19 years as one of the most commercially successful British pop bands, The Beautiful South split up due to (as their wry and unusually brief press release stated) "musical similarities".
COURTNEY LOVE
There's no doubting Courtney Love's polarising reputation, and it manifested volubly in the superb Hole, which seemed to spin around Love's general air of unpredictability. This led to many changes od personnel. Over its history, the band gained and lost up to eight female members, including Melissa Auf der Maur, Kristen Pfaff, Patty Schemel and Samantha Maloney.
MÖTLEY CRÜE
At the start of the year, this US rock band announced their retirement after three decades of annoying people with crude heavy rock and in-your-face fireworks. Each member signed a "cessation of touring" agreement, which (apparently) forbids the band from ever touring again. Is there a catch? Just one: the agreement doesn't come into effect until the end of 2015, so prepare for a final tour gig in Ireland sometime before then. T
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
At the 2000 Video Music Awards, following Limp Bizkit's nabbing of the gong for Best Rock Video, Rage Against the Machine bass player Tim Commerford climbed onto the stage and made a general tool of himself. Commerford's solo run, however, went against the stringent democratic decision-making process of RATM, which split up some weeks after.
THE SMITHS
When Morrissey wanted to cover yet another 1960s pop song by a female artist, Johnny Marr had had enough: "I didn't form a group to perform Cilla Black songs," he harrumphed.
