Some think the word “revellers” – a term no one has ever used in real life – is merely a quirk of press coverage, in the same manner that tabloids call children “tots” or referring to legs as “pins” as if women only hang around at the end of the gutters in bowling alleys.

But no, the Reveller is a genuine festival species, seen and identified only by the unique perspective of entertainment and news reporters who scramble for vocabulary while writing about music events, yet manage to see beyond what other people think music festivals are about (music, other art, the togetherness of people in a field, drugs, friends and community, escapism, and more art) and focus on what they believe people want to read: captions. These captions are on pictures of Revellers: half-Kylie-Jenner-lip-kit-half- humans and shirtless men yearning for unspoken approval from Conor McGregor as they chase him towards the VIP area.

Their anatomy allows for a unique set of movements. They tend only to “flock” to festivals, and “descend” on the site. Completely porous, Revellers can literally “soak up the atmosphere” making them the third main cause for holes in the ozone layer.

But the biggest risk to revellers is when their spirits are dampened. Much as Philip Pullman envisaged in the His Dark Materials trilogy, a Reveller's spirit is like a daemon, a manifestation of one's inner- self that can take the form of a number of canny disguises, such as a novelty animal hat or flower crown. They make their presence known by branding fellow revellers with metallic temporary tattoo art, bindis, and cock and balls drawn on some lad's face in the middle of the night.

Sometimes the Reveller’s spirit takes over an entire body with constricting morph suits, which is when you know the Reveller will be “partying late into the night” while the event still manages to “pass off peacefully”. Even if the rain does begin to dampen spirits, Revellers have a canny ability to “remain upbeat” while hoping for the ultimate environment of the Reveller to form: an “absolute mud bath”.

So respect Revellers this festival season. Take photos of them doing the can can for the next day’s paper even though it’s sunny, and please bear in mind the dangers of dampening their spirits.