Do you find it hard to remember names? Whether it’s at a party, a conference, or the school gate, introductions can unleash a brain-confounding storm that makes remembering a name impossible.
“It’s a fault of attention,” says Brian Colbert, master trainer at the Irish Institute of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
“When you hear their name, you are inside your head thinking, I better not forget this name,” says Colbert. “Even linguistically, that becomes a command that is telling you to forget.”
“You are worrying about how you are coming across, you are telling yourself to remember their name – there is so much internal chatter going on, you can’t really pay attention.”
Be present
The first tip to remembering a name is to be present. If you are jumping ahead, trying to think of conversation topics, your brain is too busy to listen.
“If you are meeting someone, meet them. Be present with them. Look at them, look at the colour of their eyes,” says Colbert.
Don’t let your interaction be an exchange of hurried, rote expressions. “If you do that and you walk away, you know you didn’t connect.”
When you meet someone, think of the acronym W.A.I.T – “Why am I talking,” says Colbert. “If I’m doing the talking, I’m not listening. I’m not connecting. I’m not absorbing. I’m not being present. I’m not seeing the person in front of me.”
Repeat and make connections
When someone tells you their name, repeat it back to them. Then make it stick in your brain by creating associations around it. Have you been introduced to a guy called Lou? Let his name prompt some associations for you. For example, this is Lou, unlike the Dubliners’ song, he’s not a heartbreaker from Liverpool. He’s from Louth, just like my friend Larry. Lou and Larry from Louth.
“What I’m doing is creating a little story for myself about you. People who are good at remembering things often think about what the thing isn’t rather than what it is,” says Colbert.
“So I’m doing a number of things. I’ve corrected myself, I’ve enhanced it, I’ve reinforced it and I’ve connected it to things that I know, so now I’ve got an entire system that’s connected to you.”
Give a nickname
Another way to remember someone’s name is to give them a nickname. Just don’t tell them. If a person has a feature or a uniqueness to them, use that as a hook to help recall their name. If Lou from Louth has long hair, you might file him in your brain under, “Long-haired Lou”.
“The brain loves something different, that’s what it is naturally attracted to,” says Colbert. “Your brain is primed to notice differences in the environment. I’ve noticed something about you that stood out, or that’s different to me, and I’ve visualised it.”
Time out
To commit someone’s name to memory, pause when you are first introduced, but then revisit the name and its associations within 24 hours, advises Colbert.
“It takes about 15-20 seconds for something to go from short-term memory into long-term memory and a lot of the time, your attention is focused on yourself, not on the other person,” says Colbert. So pause when you hear the name.
“If you revisit the information within 24 hours, the chances of retention are huge,” he says.
Make it a high-quality connection
The skill of remembering a name takes practice, but it works, says Colbert.
“Pause, take a breath, take a little bit longer, be a bit more intentional about your actions and the person will appreciate it,” he says.
“When someone speaks, stop and listen. Pay attention, repeat their name, reinforce it with a connection or an association, then review it.
“The more senses you activate in relation to their name, the more likely you are to remember it. You can get really good at doing it.”
