I have a job that I thought I would love and that would be the one I would stay with until retirement, but it has turned so sour that I’m almost sick going into work every day.
During Covid I got a reprieve because I worked from home and then there was a year or so of hybrid working, but now I am back in the workplace full-time and it is unbearable. I have spent way too long trying to work out what the problem is, but I think it is the culture that each manager absorbs until they become horrible and mistrustful too.
I, myself, am a manager and I find that I don’t like myself sometimes, so what I think might just be true. There is no trust in the organisation and people are constantly looking at what others are doing and reporting it and gossiping about it, so that every encounter is frightening in that you have no idea what will be told about it afterwards. If I do not participate in this, ie discuss others in a negative way, I am ostracised and can feel myself being pushed out.
The other side, though, is that I work in a creative area and the work itself is wonderful and fulfilling – this was my full experience until I got the job as manager, and now the joy is gone. I obviously got a rise in pay (twice, since I got promoted) and I’m not sure if I can live on anything less now. Plus, the work is very specialised so there are not many other opportunities or places to transfer into, so I feel stuck and unable to move. I never thought I’d be a person who would work just for the money, and it feels against my principles that this is exactly what I am doing.
‘Although my current job has a structured career path and is secure, I find it meaningless’
‘I am divorced at 60, envious of my ex-husband’s new life and struggling with loneliness’
‘I’m dating a previously married man but I feel sad that I will always come second to his children’
‘A stranger entered our family and turned them all against us’
The cost of living does not allow me to live if I step back to the core job, plus I think the place would have a field-day talking about me if I did.
There are two ways of coming at this – one is to see if you can open up more job opportunities, and the other is to look at what you have developed in yourself that is causing you to become disillusioned, pessimistic and bitter.
Both of these need attention and the first is probably the easiest. Book yourself into a session with a recruitment company to see if any of your skills are transferable or/and look up a private career guidance coach to fully investigate your skill set. It may be that some further training in an area might open doors for you and this might be an investment in your future. If you focused on something other than the culture at work (eg on further education) you might find that you are freer and more able to chose what to give your attention to.
Your work may well benefit from someone pointing out the unhealthy culture, but if you want this observation to fall on open recipients then you will need to do it from a position of believing that positive change is possible. Undoubtedly, the culture makes this very difficult as drawing out positivity in others might be seen as naive and worthy of ridicule, but if you can do this with even one person, there will be a shift in the culture.
Is there someone you can link with in the organisation, perhaps in HR (where there should be an interest in people development)? Bit by bit you might find that you are letting go of your hopelessness and despair.
There is always someone in the larger group who sees the need for change, and many others will support you once they see that they are not alone and isolated in their endeavours. Strangely, the option of other work opportunities will allow you to be freer in your approach to your current organisation, so seeking coaching is an essential part of this plan.
What you would like is real choice – to go to a better job somewhere else or to stay and initiate change because you feel powerful in doing so. What stops people from addressing the culture is fear – and this is often in the form of fear of losing face or position, fear of being thought stupid or naive, fear of standing out or fear of conflict.
While some of these fears are valid, fear can act on a human being in a way that turns all the emotional strains inward and blocks any natural speech or actions, creating a blocked-up version of self. Taking small steps towards overcoming fear is the way to release some courage, and this leads to more self-confidence and self-reliance.
If you do end up leaving your workplace, you will leave it better and more open if you can find the courage to speak truthfully to those that can listen.
You might also find that your seeds of positivity are falling on ground that is thirsty for change and so you might choose to stay if you get enough encouragement.
- To send your question to Trish Murphy, fill in the form below, click here or email tellmeaboutit@irishtimes.com