The Rugby Players Ireland campaign, Tackle Your Feelings (TYF), brought into the public forum the importance of taking care of mental health and wellbeing in a proactive manner, just as you would when it comes to the physical side of being a professional athlete.
Leinster, Ireland and soon to be Lions prop Andrew Porter spoke brilliantly about the challenges he faced in trying to process losing his mum, Wendy, at a young age. He was one of several elite rugby players who have highlighted how they cope with the emotional highs and lows of being involved in high-profile sport.
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The goal is trying to maintain an equilibrium which can be very difficult at times, and to be honest I rarely achieved that across my career. I discovered, poignantly at times, that joy and particularly failure, need to be processed. No one gets a free pass in that respect. If you care, if it matters, it can hurt.
It showed an openness and understanding that allowed him to push through the acute disappointment and move forward
A TYF social media post caught my attention, a quote from Caelan Doris who remarked: “It‘s not nice to welcome those feelings and emotions, to sit with them and process them properly, but that‘s probably the best way to do it.”
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He was reflecting on Leinster’s defeat to La Rochelle in 2022. It showed an openness and understanding that allowed him to push through the acute disappointment and move forward, potentially channelling it as a fuel source to drive him to the elite standards he reaches regularly.
It has been a brutal couple of weeks for the entire Leinster squad, having gone from hot favourites to win the Champions Cup to losing a home semi-final to the Northampton Saints. The shoulder injury that Doris suffered in the match required surgery. His dream of captaining and playing for the British & Irish Lions in Australia this summer has been kicked down the road for another four years.
It‘s easy to empathise. I enjoyed plenty of success, but by the same token, there were aspects of being a professional rugby player that I found incredibly challenging on and off the pitch.
At the start of my career there was no room to show emotion, weakness or vulnerability, and the thought of opening yourself up and acknowledging those feelings that accompanied mistakes, setbacks or failures was alien. That‘s putting it politely.
The learned behaviour was to numb the pain, bottle it up and then try to ignore it. I did this as a young player when I joined the professional ranks, the only respite in and around the 1999 Rugby World Cup when I spent a couple of weeks under the protective influence of Conor O’Shea. The standards he set were way in advance of the time.
He enjoyed everyone’s company, drank modestly and worked incredibly hard. He was a really positive role model. I struggled to settle in Leinster at that point because I felt I had nobody to talk to and lacked the self-awareness to understand that I needed to address these feelings.
That was probably the first time I opened myself up what was going on inside
By not tackling my emotions, I reacted in the worst possible way, inevitably, I suppose, based on my immaturity. A negative downward spiral ensued. Matt Williams shook me to my senses by giving me an ultimatum: change or leave.
That was probably the first time I opened myself up what was going on inside. Those memories still make me feel vulnerable and uneasy to this day but thankfully I realised then that I needed to ask for help to turn my career around, rather than allow my feelings to drown in a sea of negativity.
I learned very quickly that people will always help, but as my former Ireland coach Declan Kidney said to me around this time, when you are on the ground there will be hands offered, but you must reach out to take the hand.
The hardest part of this process as a 20-year-old was acknowledging that I was the problem and the solution. When you take control of the situation, it is cathartic. It becomes a source of personal pride that you were able to turn things around and you make a deposit in the bank of resilience that will stand to you the next time you feel overwhelmed.
There is always another test or challenge around the corner. I struggled at times in the alpha environment off the field in Irish camp. I broke my arm in 2008, spent a year on the sidelines and on my return had to reinvent myself as a player. I had to confront my physical mortality as a player in 2015.
Each time a different part of me was tested, and I found out a little bit about myself. It is too easy to rattle off the saying, “if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger”, but I believe that while we find out a lot about ourselves in the tough times, nobody ever enjoys them.
I didn’t. I cried in private. I leaned on people I trusted. More often than not, I came out the other side and took quiet satisfaction from being able to last through the parts that I found tough. For me fear was always a driver, not wanting to let those negative emotions and thoughts win. It is different for everyone, deeply personal, but when we get through hard times, there is always a moment that draws a smile.
Andy Farrell has spoken about empathy and vulnerability in his approach to coaching and engaging with players
That moment will seem a lifetime away now for Doris. What will stand to him is his ability and willingness to address those feelings, the mental resilience that he has shown. In doing that, he becomes such an important role model for anyone within his sphere of influence.
Andy Farrell has spoken about empathy and vulnerability in his approach to coaching and engaging with players; Doris was a natural fit as a leader within this type of set-up. This is unquestionably the toughest part of this young man’s career.
Time helps in these situations, and I know that he will get to a point when he accepts the injury and what comes with it. Climbing the recovery mountain builds resilience and makes you stronger. The struggle doesn’t define you; how you choose to respond does. I’m looking forward to seeing how he uses the setback as a springboard for future success.
