Light to dark in a matter of minutes.
Micheál Martin delivered the biggest laugh of the day on the vexed question of Michael Lowry. He didn’t mean to, but it got a great giggle anyway.
And that was before Ceann Comhairle Verona Murphy told him to stop carrying on like a child – a standout moment in itself.
The laughter had scarcely subsided when the mood blackened.
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It happened when the Taoiseach was still on the same issue – Lowry, naturally, the gift that keeps on giving.
Micheál really wishes it would stop. If nothing else, he’s running out of rattles to throw out of his pram.
But people keep on asking him about Lowry, the de facto leader of the Regional Independent Group (RIG) who led their negotiations on the programme for government and is now a nailed on supporter of the new Coalition along with fellow Riggers who didn’t get ministerial jobs in the post-talks divvy-out.
“Through thick and thin,” declared the Tipperary TD, positively aglow when taking to the plinth to announce the group’s alliance with the Government.
Lowry has a murky past. Micheál Martin called on him to quit the Dáil in 2011 after the “shocking” Moriarty tribunal report found him to be “profoundly corrupt”.
Last month, having enlisted his support, he stood by his previous condemnation of the former Fine Gael minister. But that was then. This is now.
There is “nothing corrupt in the programme for government” the soon-to-be Taoiseach told reporters grilling him over Lowry’s involvement in negotiating it, repeatedly stressing that he wasn’t given one of the ministerial jobs.
Mind you, the Tipperary TD was smart enough to announce very early on in the Coalition courtship process that he didn’t want one.
“Michael Lowry is not in government ... he’s not in government to do any corruption” was the Taoiseach’s astonishing response to those expressing reservations about the deal. Hardly a shining endorsement.
However, it was high praise compared with the non-endorsement Micheál threw out in the Dáil on Wednesday after Sinn Féin’s Pearse Doherty asked him, for the second time, to comment on what he claims is new information surrounding the controversial TD’s involvement in the sale of a UK football club in the 1990s.
“He is one of yours, he’s a Government TD” said the Donegal deputy, demanding a response.
First things first, responded the Taoiseach, anxious to deal with the provenance of the politician pledged to keep his government in power. He reached for the bargepole, the one he now keeps at hand to repel incoming Lowry-related digs.
“He is not one of ours.”
There was a loud burst of laughter. Micheál’s deadpan one-liner reduced the Opposition to stitches.
Then the devastating follow-up. What the Taoiseach said next needed to be said. But not in the context of the very serious business transgressions of Michael Lowry.
[ Dáil speaking rights: FF/FG use committee majority to push through changeOpens in new window ]
He rounded on Sinn Féin for having the “nerve” to harp on about the shortcomings of the Tipperary TD while simultaneously falling over themselves to lionise a dead IRA commander who shot, bombed, murdered and maimed his own countrymen and women.
On the scale of culpability, the Taoiseach was saying Lowry may have questions to answer but at least he wasn’t a cold-blooded mass killer.
Damning with faint praise doesn’t go near it.
He didn’t mention a name but was clearly referring to the IRA killer Brendan ‘Bik’ McFarlane whose funeral in Belfast on Tuesday was attended by Doherty and fellow Sinn Féin TD Matt Carthy. Party leader Mary Lou McDonald issued a lengthy statement expressing her “deep sadness” at the loss of “giant of Irish republicanism” and “a great patriot who lived his life for the freedom and unity of Ireland”.
Pass the sick bucket.
“I’ll just say one thing,” the Taoiseach told Mary Lou and the high-minded Doherty. “You need to reflect. A funeral happened this week. ... The truth is, though, that your party murdered five innocent people and injured 16 more and was involved in Derradda Woods in the murder of a trainee garda and a member of the Defence Forces.
“And no matter what Michael Lowry did, it pales into insignificance in terms of what members of your movement did.”
The Dáil chamber erupted. The Ceann Comhairle tried to keep order and call the next speaker.
Pearse Doherty shouted about getting an answer to his questions about the Lowry allegations.
Micheál Martin countered they would be better off asking questions about what members of their “movement” did.
Sinn Féin whip Pádraig Mac Lochlainn called his lack of engagement on the Lowry claims “a new low”.
The Taoiseach refused to be drawn into a discussion on the Moriarty tribunal. “Don’t be so judgmental,” he told the huffing Shinners.
“A new low,” repeated Pádraig.
“You have some nerve,” shot back Micheál, extremely annoyed by the familiar drone of Sinn Féin deputies lecturing others about doing the right thing while canonising IRA slaytriots.
It was a nasty little spat and it spilled over into Alan Kelly’s speaking slot. The former Labour minister had a question about the vetting of Garda recruits. But the sniping across the floor between the Fianna Fáil leader and Sinn Féin continued.
The Ceann Comhairle was running out of patience. Eventually, she snapped. “Taoiseach! Please stop behaving like a child!” she said.
“Absolutely,” carolled Labour leader Ivana Bacik, who had earlier accused him of being “tetchy”.
That momentarily silenced everyone.
It isn’t every day the Taoiseach is told off for acting like a baby in the Dáil. He spat his soother out, hurt, shocked even, like a cherished child who gets a sudden little smack from his exasperated mammy.
His Government colleagues rallied around in noisy support and the Opposition was delighted.
Verona explained that when she hits her bell it means his time is up as he must resume his seat. And to soften the blow, everyone was out of order with all this shouting back and forth across the floor.
“I haven’t been interrupting,” murmured Micheál. In fairness, he was a bit hard done by given that he wasn’t the only one kicking up.
The chamber is “like a playground” complained the Ceann Comhairle.
And after more sideline discussions which went into the evening over the Dáil speaking rights row – the Government pushed through a vote to get their Regional Independent supporters, the Lowry Exceptionals, Opposition speaking time, it looks like the dispute will boil over again.
Verona may have to ditch her bell for a wooden spoon.
It’s all Lowry’s fault, but as his sponsor Micheál so rightly pointed out, he may have his faults but at least he didn’t murder anybody. Which is something.
