I wrote here recently about running alone, before dawn, in unfamiliar places. Several acquaintances, all women, said they would never dream of such a thing, and didn’t I think I was being irresponsible? What if “something happens”?
First, it is not irresponsible for anyone to be out in public anywhere, at any time. The irresponsibility, and worse, is on the part of those who threaten others for existing in the world, occupying a body in space and time. Unless trespassing, we are allowed to be wherever we are. Of course I am aware of my environment when running, but trouble – “something” – can find you anywhere and for women it’s usually at home.
It’s a strange and powerful fiction that women are safer at home than on the streets, and also that men are safer than women on the streets. Far more women, in Ireland as elsewhere, are assaulted and killed in their homes than outside. A quarter of Irish females over the age of 15 have been abused by a current or former partner. Eighty-seven per cent of women murdered were killed by a man known to them, 13 per cent by a stranger. (I cannot find Irish data relating to the public and domestic safety of non-binary people, but international figures suggest it’s not great in either space.)
Domestic violence rose sharply during lockdown when we were all told to stay home and stay safe. It peaks over Christmas and new year, when we’re also supposed to be enjoying cosy family gatherings behind closed doors. Much of this home violence is witnessed by children. And we know that the data reflects only the small proportion that is reported.
Women are safer on the streets and men are safer at home, despite the stories we tell ourselves
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In general, there is far more danger from the man in the kitchen than the man on the street. There is also far more danger to the man on the street than the man in the kitchen; when men hurt women, they do it mostly at home, but when men hurt men they do it mostly in public. The great majority of street violence is between young men, so if anyone’s going to stay home to stay safe, it should be them.
Fear is determined by storytelling more than by data, and women have been taught to fear being outside for centuries. I am not suggesting that the fear is not real, or not important. Women are sometimes murdered outside, by strangers. It does happen, albeit less often than to men. It’s appalling and terrifying, and we are terrified, partly because those of us who do know ourselves to be safe with our fathers and partners and sons can never know ourselves equally safe with strangers: the bigger risk is borne by some women and the smaller risk by all.
We do, famously, carry keys in our fists after dark. I remember being given a “rape alarm” as a teenager in Manchester and again in a more genteel city as a student, though I don’t remember carrying them because it didn’t seem to me that the problem with or solution to sexual violence was my own capacity for noisemaking.
I remember choosing to bike home from nights out rather than deal with harassment on public transport, which was not a data-driven choice because I was much more likely to be killed or injured by a car driver than by aggressive passengers on the bus. The calculation might reasonably have been different for my male friends, because young men frequently attacked other young men on and near those buses. In some British cities, knife crime between young men is a leading cause of death and life-changing injury.
Men are safer at home, women are safer on the streets.
So it’s interesting that we tell ourselves, and each other, the opposite story. Where the dominant narrative runs against the evidence, it’s always worth thinking about what ideologies benefit from the misrepresentation. What is served by women’s fear of going out, and men’s bravado?
[ Northern Ireland has become a dangerous place to live if you are a womanOpens in new window ]
What assumptions thrive on denying the vulnerability of young men and fuelling women’s anxiety about existing in public? What is shored up by defining masculinity as dominant, violent, intimidating and femininity as fragile, helpless and fearful? Oh look, it’s patriarchy again, harming men as well as women again.
Girls, stay out, stay safe. Safe home now, boys. Other folk, you also matter and I hope someone’s doing the research.
The 24/7 freephone helpline for Womens Aid is 1800 341 900. There is an instant-messaging service on womensaid.ie
SafeIreland.ie lists 37 domestic abuse services across Ireland
Male Advice Line for male victims: 1800 816 588
