I did something completely out of character recently. Something which made one of my children even sit up at the mention and ask, “Mum, are you okay”?
Something so alien a concept to another that he thought he’d actually misheard.
Yes, it was unexpected. Yes it appeared to come from left field. But yes, also, it was time to grab the bull by the horns and take control.
And so, in a move that caught my family completely off guard, I decided to go for a walk alone. On my own. With no one else, like.
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‘I’ll be grand,’ I reassured my concerned child and headed on my merry way
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And I wasn’t going anywhere in particular either. We didn’t need milk, bread, chocolate, or any other essential items. I was just going for a walk for no apparent reason.
Only, of course, there was actually a reason. I had realised it was time to be a proper grown up and get comfortable in my own company. It’s not something I’ve ever enjoyed – my own company, or walking for no reason. I gave up running almost as quickly as I started, because I rarely had anyone to run with. Well, that and I was really bad at it. I dismissed other hobbies out of hand because they were solitary. And I mostly disliked working from home, even though it was the only way I could work and raise my family, because it involved significant amounts of time working alone.
I like to chat. Probably a lot more than the average person. It got me into fierce trouble in school. I come from a long line of chatters, so I never stood a chance. So it is and so it always has been. But it’s rarely seen by others as a good thing. And in a world full of always busy people, It can be hard to know how much chatting is socially acceptable. On the phone it can feel impossible to gauge. Have we chatted too little, just enough, too much? Has the other person gone off to do something more interesting, like empty the bins, while I was still talking? It’s a minefield.
Sometimes, I think I understand Gen Z’s phone phobia.
In person, it’s easier to measure. And when you’re walking with a friend, being a chatterbox is even a bonus. Walking and talking. This is where I come into my own. With all the talking, you don’t notice the walking. And while I can see the point of the former without the latter, until recently I couldn’t understand why you’d walk to nowhere. And stranger still, list it as some kind of self-care.
Craving company is a trait I can see in some of my children. There are those who appear to almost wilt when out of the company of their friends for a while. I’m in the fortunate position of having children who, in spite of loving their games consoles (and, unfortunately, phones in the case of the older ones) just as much as the next child or teenager, would still always take the option of playing outside or hanging out with their friends over Fortnite, FC 25, Mario Kart and social media.
So it’s no wonder really that the kids asked questions when they saw such strange behaviour from their mother. “Are you meeting someone after a while?” one concerned child questioned. “No. I’ll be grand”, I reassured him and headed on my merry way.
You see, I was motivated to take action. And motivated in the most unlikely way. I’ve never been one for motivational memes or manifesting magic, and God knows I’ve tried. When the weather app suggested snow last January, and I convinced the younger kids to finally go asleep with the guarantee of a blanket of the stuff when they woke I channelled my inner manifester to ensure it happened. We got rain. Turns out, Elsa I’m not.
But I have a friend who is known to send the odd motivational quote or podcast, sometimes prefaced with “now I know you’re not really into this sort of thing” and, lo and behold, didn’t something motivational she sent me only catch my attention.
“No one’s coming to save you,” it read. “Jaysus” I said, thinking I’d better stop eating all these Mint Crisps.
But there’s truth in that seemingly grim message. Life changes. Friends and family may lend you a much needed ear, a supportive shoulder, or be the company you crave. But sometimes, if they’re not around, you’ve just got to do things for yourself. Like take a walk alone, and know it’s self-care.
Hang on a second, have I just gone all motivational?
