ON THE COUCH:Nasser, Ravi and Lloydie gobsmacked as mighty Ireland beat England at their own game

AH HERE, another wicket gone, 111-5. Just the 217 needed to win from 25.5 overs, with a mighty five wickets left. Banjaxed in Bangalore.

A euro on Ireland at that stage and you’d have had the price of a penthouse in Killiney. No offence at all, but seriously, why do we even enter these things? So, by then, the chances of beating England at their own game seemed more than a tad slim.

“They’ve collapsed in a heap,” as Nasser Hussein said of our boys, although in fairness to him, he said it in a sympathetic “ah, bless” kind of way.

Already Sky had explained to their viewers that while our nation was passionate about sport, and was a lovely, friendly place to visit, cricket really wasn’t our thing.

Only a few oddball-ish types played it, the rest of the populace were too wrapped up in Gaelic games to know a googly from a gooseberry.

So, off you go about your business, checking in some time later to see if Ireland, bless them, managed to reach the 150 mark before being bowled out and anticipating seeing English captain Andrew Strauss giving his counterpart, William Porterfield, a “there, there” pat on the back.

But you’re greeted by Kevin O’Brien’s wagon wheel on the screen, looking for all the world like the solar system.

Except his batting had, quite evidently, been from another planet entirely.

“If you went away for an hour you’ll be AMAZED,” said a hyperventilating Ravi Shastri, and all you could do was thank the starry heavens you had indeed dropped back in.

Imagine!

“Where were you when Kevin O’Brien scored the fastest century in cricket World Cup history and Ireland beat . . . . . England?!”

Eh, well, in front of the telly watching Cash in the Celebrity Attic.

Earlier, there had been a consensus among the Sky Sports panel of Kyle McCallan, Michael Vaughan and Bob Willis that Ireland’s innings needed to get off to a rollicking start if England’s total of 327 was not to be out of sight by the time Cash in the Celebrity Attic kicked off.

Losing a wicket, then, from the very first ball wasn’t ideal.

The Fighting Irish, though, rallied, Paul Stirling, Niall O’Brien and Ed Joyce combining to push the tally on to three figures.

And what more could we hope for?

Then, a kind of cricketing Armageddon, green wickets tumbling all over the gaff. Time to see if there was a Van Gogh hidden under the mouldy mattress in the attic. There was. Not in the attic, though, over in Bangalore.

“When Irish eyes are smiling, sure ’tis like the morn in spring,” David Lloyd was humming as O’Brien did his mind-boggling thing.

“And in the lilt of Irish laughter, you can hear the angels sing,” Ravi didn’t add, but, honest, at that stage nothing would have surprised us.

310-6.

“How are you all going over there in Ireland,” asked Lloydie, but it’s hard to reply when you’ve been rendered speechless.

Mind you, if Ireland had been awarded a run for every time Lloydie mentioned “the black stuff” they’d have been home and hosed by 2pm.

“And the bar in my hotel is even called ‘Dublin’,” he told us, adding, a bit ruefully, that it stopped serving at 11pm.

316-6.

“They might not play as much as the English, but their brains are just as good today,” said Nasser, which was nice.

Five from eight needed.

“Are you still there, Ireland?” asked Lloydie.

Three from six.

“Are you ready for this, Dublin, Galway, Belfast? Get on the black stuff, Ireland!”

And with that John Mooney had, as he told the RTÉ Newslater, his "Ray Houghton moment".

“You ****ing beauty, ****ing best day ever,” said the celebrating Irish player. “Language we could have done without . . . but we’ll allow the Irish to let a few words slip,” said David ****ing Gower in the studio.

"It'd be like England beating us at hurling," as Bryan Dobson described the madness of it all later in the evening, with Jon Snow no less flummoxed over on the Channel Four News.

“Now, with a seismic shock in the cricket world, over to Krishnan Guru-Murthy,” he gasped. “The cricket World Cup has, of course, seen shocks before,” said Krishnan, “but few shocks like today – England beaten by . . . . . Ireland.”

Kevin O’Brien’s wagon wheel in Bangalore? Pure genius.