The football career of Vinnie Jones came to an official end earlier this week. Cue a House of Commons' tribute from Tony Blair? A Newsnight discussion on his contribution to sport and society? An RAF fly-past over what's left of Plough Lane, Wimbledon's former home? No. None of these. In fact, nobody seemed to much care and Vinnie was sent off the football stage, not for the first time, with barely a single tribute ringing in his ears.
And that's regrettable because Vinnie's legacy is one most of us should cherish, one that teaches us an invaluable life lesson: you don't need a scrap of talent to get ahead in your chosen profession, just hard neck and a scary hair cut. Like Michael Bolton.
Vinnie was to football what Eddie the Eagle was to skijumping and Pedro Diniz is to Formula One - not very good at it but by God did he make a successful career out of it, becoming one of its biggest names.
George Best never even appeared in an FA Cup final - Vinnie won one. And he played for some of England's great clubs - Wimbledon, Sheffield United, Chelsea and Queens Park Rangers - as well as two of its minnows, Wealdstone and Leeds United.
And he captained his country. Well, he captained Wales. "Well, stone me," said Jimmy Greaves, when Vinnie hit the international stage. "We've had cocaine, bribery and Arsenal scoring two goals at home but just when you thought there truly were no surprises left in football, Vinnie Jones turns out to be an international player." A lovely tribute it was, too.
Before he had a leek tattooed on his elbow (or was it a dragon on his chest?) Vinnie had wanted to play for the Republic but before he had time to have a leprechaun tattooed on his forehead, he discovered that nobody in Ireland would own up to being related to him, so that ended that. It must be said, though, that Jack Charlton didn't exactly trawl the country looking for Vinnie's distant relations. What a missed opportunity. Can you imagine an Irish midfield composed of Roy Keane and Vinnie Jones? Our opponents would have turned up with police protection.
To his shame Jack was prejudiced against Vinnie, seeming to have a problem with the fact that he liked to have his post-match bath at least half an hour before the rest of his teammates. Or perhaps he objected to the fact that Vinnie's feet were the biggest hindrance to his game. Yes, he may have made Carlton Palmer look like Zinedine Zidane, but even the Frenchman could never hoof a ball quite like Vinnie Jones. Why bother going to the trouble of splitting a defence with a perfect through-ball when Mick Harford - and not Nicolas Anelka - was going to be on the other end of it? Vinnie was no mug, he knew what he was doing.
All through his football career he played percentages, as they say, his favourites being those 50 per cent v 50 per cent tackles (or, occasionally, 10 v 90). He didn't always win them but the other guy always lost and quite often off lived off a diet of grapes and Lucozade for the next fortnight. Off the field, too, he made his presence felt. You know the way when someone annoys you, you feel like biting the nose off their face? Well, Vinnie did literally that to a journalist in a Dublin hotel.
And when Downing Street leaked word back in January that Tony Blair was thinking of adding Vinnie to a list of Government-approved role models for British youth, because he was the type of person who could persuade the public to take up voluntary work, they knew what they were doing. At the very same time Vinnie was delivering commodes, beds and mattresses to pensioners as part of his sentence of 100 hours of community service, following an assault on a neighbour. A heart of gold, had Vinnie.
And he's had his troubles, too. When he appeared on the Late Late Show last year he revealed that his Jack Russell once saved him from suicide. He didn't get a chance to explain how because Gaybo and the audience were too busy chuckling, but it showed that under those tattoos there is a deeper, sensitive side to Vinnie Jones.
And it's precisely that side that could turn Vinnie into the Marlon Brando of the new millennium. Yes, he's in the films now.
Remember Eric Cantona? Well, he retired from football to pursue an acting career, too, but was last seen in a film called Mookie in which he played a boxer on the run in Mexico with a monk and a talking chimpanzee. Nuff said. Vinnie's cinematic debut was as a debt collector called Big Chris in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Everyone chuckled again when they heard of his career change but he's already won awards for his performance and rumour has it that he's Hollywood bound.
Watch your back Arnold Schwarznegger, Vinnie's behind you.
