All week professional Irish men meandered Tokyo Metropolis glassy-eyed, barely knowing which end was up. Some dreamed of death and reincarnation as sumo wrestlers. Others had to smooth frayed synapses that link cerebral messages to fingertips in order to file copy.
"I am completely jumbled," said a mentally fatigued Joe Schmidt in a guest appearance at a support group loosely affiliated to the NUJ.
Everyone is, Joe. Thank you for sharing.
This is no joke. Nothing works. Not sleeping tablets. Not pints.
Caffeine, you devious crutch, brings an inevitable crash which threatens ruination; a missed meeting, deadline or presser when sleep creeps over unsuspecting lids.
“Some guys are flat because they are waking up at 1am or 2am and they can’t get back to sleep,” went Schmidt, a man who abhors excuses (the sluggish Edinburgh motor-cops have already entered Dealey Plaza realms of conspiracy theory). “They might get back to sleep at 4am or 5am, others are waking at 5am and that’s it, they’re up, they’re away but 8pm the next night, they’re starting to flag.”
We nod in agreement until the flop: “That’s been a great learning experience for players who return for the World Cup and a big cohort of these players will be coming to the World Cup.”
Just not via Manhattan.
Schmidt works the oracle even now, kneading out negative connotations to embalm these boys in confident guise.
Still, a Test match in this scenario, considering the temporary dissolving of his officer class, is worryingly similar to the World Cup defeat against Argentina.
"Sunday morning when we left the hotel [in New Jersey] turned into Monday night by the time we got here and Monday night was kind of Sunday afternoon, or some time somewhere else in the world, that we didn't quite know where we were," Schmidt continued. "Just on the back of that you're never as comfortable because Japan will be a step up in speed and cohesion."
The barrier stacked highest Thursday evening with a bullet train to Hamamatsu, the industrial city where Suzuki are housed, and the latest skyscraping abode. But it is another 30km back to the Ecopa stadium early Friday then Saturday. Add in the 80-minute round trip for training in Tokyo yesterday and melatonin-deficient minds must have sports psychologist Enda McNulty in Matrix mode.
“The Japanese have been fantastic hosts so far,” said Schmidt ominously.
Here’s how he operates; the compliment ends up as a stinging criticism of all parties involved: “[before 2019] We will look hard for training bases that are not too far away from where we are domiciled.”
Japan, led by former Highlanders' Super Rugby-winning coaches Jamie Joseph and Tony Brown, will look to run Ireland ragged in the opening quarter. As they did Romania last Saturday.
“Their ability from unstructured play, quick lineouts, quick tap, quickly taken free kicks, [means] we can’t afford to get caught unaware. I do believe they will move us around.”
Unfamiliar team
Considering the Ireland team, captained again by Rhys Ruddock, totals just 280 caps – 176 divvied between Devin Toner, Cian Healy and Keith Earls – averaging less than 19 appearances per man, neither fitness chief Jason Cowman nor Schmidt can gauge with certainty the sustainability of this unfamiliar team.
“We are actually excited to find out,” said Schmidt, sprinkling belief wherever he roams. “When players do tip off the edge sometimes you got to keep fighting your way through it, even if you feel like you are running in deep water you got to splash ahead as best you can. That’s part of the learning for us and sometimes it is about players learning about themselves, that they can stay in the game even when they do feel really fatigued.”
This is not the Japanese team that toppled the Springboks in Brighton two years ago. Eddie Jones, for one, has relaunched himself into the game’s elite sphere. But a wealth of foreign talent is recharging preparations for a World Cup the country is not yet enamoured by.
Amanaki Mafi, a ferocious Tongan at number eight, must be felled by Dan Leavy or whoever is up.
“He plays in the back field sometimes. You don’t want him to get up a head of steam on go-forward ball either. We have to kick well.”
The path is laid for Luke McGrath to squeeze past Kieran Marmion as Conor Murray's understudy. Schmidt hasn't made a definitive decision on either scrumhalf. Paddy Jackson has his coach's blessing. It took a while, but Jackson is charged with guiding this ship out of a hugely demanding situation.
Ireland teams of old would lose this game. Schmidt may be a great empowering force, but there is risk in his selection as Josh van der Flier is shelved to give Jack O’Donoghue an opportunity from the bench. Same goes for Kieran Treadwell over James Ryan.
Medium to long-term planning is vital but the odds of victory here lessen as a result. There is enough about Ireland, if the collective mindset unclutters sufficiently, to prevail. Jet lag is horrible because it manifests doubt in oneself. Maybe it will pass. More coffee.
