Against the odds"Lotto on legs" was how his late uncle Tommy used to describe greyhound racing. As another beaten docket fluttered away towards the Pigeon House, Vinny Fitzpatrick was thinking of a far less complimentary description.
If horse racing was the "sport of kings", Vinny felt the canine equivalent was the "pastime of paupers". Five races down and five losers, the most recent being Forest Gump. Not even imploring cries of "Run Forest, Run" from Vinny had raised a gallop from the 3 to 1 shot. Yet, two hours earlier Vinny had arrived with the lads at Shelbourne Park aglow with anticipation.
The doggie thing wasn't his preferred gig but when fliers arrived in Foley's from Boru Betting last week offering a free return trip to Shelbourne Park, including admission, programme, a voucher for sausages, chips and a pint, plus a €5 bet on the tote, it looked too good to ignore. For Vinny, there was the added bonus of running into Angie.
Boru Betting were the sponsors of the 11-race programme and while they weren't in the same division as heavyweights Paddy Power and Boylesports, they were putting up a few decent pots and, significantly, looking after their Clontarf constituents.
It was 7.15 when Vinny, Macker, Brennie, Fran and Kojak boarded the bus outside Foley's. They'd met two hours earlier, ostensibly to study the form for that night's Shelbourne card but ended up milling pints and shouting abuse at Rafa Benitez - even Brennie, a true-blue Red, admitted Liverpool were muck against Blackburn.
The slagging was mighty as they headed down Alfie Byrne Road. There was no sign of Angie but the word was she was hosting a restaurant table for some of the Boru Betting big-wigs.
What the lads didn't know was Vinny had a strategy; one he was sure would make a profit. Before he'd left home he'd opened his lap-top, logged on to the Irish Greyhound Board website and studied results from Shelbourne Park.
Statistics never lie and Vinny noticed that more winners, almost 19 per cent, were sprung from trap three than any other. Trap four, with less than 15 per cent of winners, was the one to avoid. Smiling to himself as the bus trundled down Pearse Street; Vinny sensed this would be a night to remember. Armed with €€150 for battle - a tenner on the nose for each race, a score for the jackpot and a score for the "get-out" last - Vinny then watched in horror as his "trap three" plan unfolded.
After Colloquize (2nd at 4/1), Useyourillusion (5th at 9/4), Bemis Heights (4th at 6/1), Marshman (4th at 7/1) and Forest Gump (5th at 3/1), all ran as if they had lead in their paws, a grumpy Vinny went out to the betting ring for some air. There he met Macker, smiling, which was unusual.
"Got the word coming in it's a trap one, trap six night. Three winners so far, and a forecast came up," said Macker. "What's with the long-face Vinny?" he asked. Vinny muttered about dogs being a mug's game and said he'd catch up with Macker later.
Disconsolate, Vinny went upstairs to watch the sixth race, the feature Boru Betting Stakes. Skywalk Duke was his selection at 6 to 1. Surely his luck would turn. As they loaded the mutts he heard someone call his name. It was Angie, all glam, curves and smiles. "Hey, Vinny any winners? We're having a blast in there," she said, pointing to the restaurant. "Yeah, it's great fun," Vinny replied with mock enthusiasm.
Together they watched the race unfold. "I'm on All Heart. We got a tip from one of the lads inside," said Angie. Vinny felt his stomach ache, he knew what would happen. Sure enough All Heart romped home as Skywalker Duke trailed in a distant fifth.
Angie screamed in joy and wrapped her arms around Vinny's neck. Startled as much by the heady scent of perfume and her warm embrace Vinny instantly disentangled himself and muttered his excuses about needing a pee.
In the toilet he took stock. The stats didn't lie. Trap three simply had to win a race, he reckoned. He could quit and run or could stand and fight. What would his aul' lad have done? He'd have stayed. Vinny ploughed on.
In turn, Luck Money (2nd at 2/1), Ardera Oisin (5th at 4/1), Firshill Boy (4th at 6/1) and Doonbeg Crash (3rd at 12/1) all lost, leaving Vinny in a heap.
The lads were to meet upstairs for a pint before the final race, a 575-yarder. Macker was grinning from eye to ear. "Drinks are on me. I just got another reverse forecast in the last," he said.
Fran was up a nifty-50, Brennie and Kojak were level, while Vinny was down €€130, not including beer money, but he didn't let on. "I'm not doing too badly. Great night isn't it?" he said.
The last race was the "escape clause". He went for the all-ways treble, where you picked three dogs to finish 1-2-3 in any order. He chose traps four, six and, naturally, three, put on his final score and said a prayer. It wasn't enough. On the bus home, the craic was mighty. There was plenty of time for a jar and Boru Betting were standing drinks for regulars in Foley's.
Angie regaled the lads with stories of the hoi polloi. Vinny sat against a window, feigning a tummy bug. He hadn't the heart to join in. Glancing at his programme, folded over on the last race, He noticed the dog in trap five was called Very Bad Tonight. You could say that again, he thought to himself.
Bets of the week
2ptsLeicester to win Heineken European Cup (10/1 VC Bet)
2ptsFulham (+1.5 goals on Asian Handicap) to beat Liverpool (Evens, Betfair)
Vinny's Bismarck
Lay 1ptNew England Patriots to win Superbowl (5/6 Skybet)
