Frazzled? Group hug. That was the mother, father and grandparents of all weekends for sporting couch spuds, the strain of trying to be in the right place at the right time beyond sapping.
Completely marvellous stuff, although there was a blooper or two, so we’ll get them out of the way so we can luxuriate in positivity. In reverse order:
(5) F-bomb
That would be Alex Ferguson’s chat with Ian Wright live on BT Sport.
Wrightie: “You should have signed me!”
Fergie: “You were too ****ing dear!”
The face of presenter Jake Humphrey: “Christ on a bike.”
(4) Caption
Under Colm O’Rourke on
The Sunday Game
: “Meath - 2 Time All-Ireland SHC Winner”. Hurler on the
ditch? No: on the pitch. Who knew?
(3) Miscue:
“What an honour, to sing the national anthem at the FA Cup final,” said the Beeb’s Guy Mowbray as Karen Harding took the mic for the largest moment in her life.
Up struck the band and Karen stood there smiling and unsinging, not joining in until the “happy and glorious” bit. Only referee Mark Clattenburg will remember the day less fondly.
(2) Tea shock
During the weather interruptions at the K Club Sky’s David Livingstone plucked an unsuspecting spectator from the crowd for a chat, just to pass the time. “As there are horses for courses, there are golfers for the Ryder Cup
– and I think the clash between Britain and the States will be a test of mental strength,” said the guest. IreRyderCupExit? And with that Taoiseach Enda Kenny became our golfing equivalent of Boris.
(1) Ad break
“A drive that defines pleasure,” said the voice trying to sell us a BMW on RTÉ2. At the very same time, unbeknownst to us, Rory was playing another golfing shot that defines pleasure, the one that landed within three feet of the 18th hole. Joanne Cantwell was left with the decidedly unpleasant task of informing us that we’d missed it during the ad break, a clanger that put TV3’s rugby World Cup difficulties in the ha’penny place. Not RTÉ’s finest “live” sporting hour. Pretty crap, actually.
Now for the better stuff:
(5) Anecdote
While the hooter sounded at the K Club, a threat of lightning in the air, Mark James shared an unfortunate moment from his past with his RTÉ viewers. “I was struck once in Switzerland, donkeys years ago, coming up the 18th. Came to on my back with Bob Charles looking over me. He said ‘we better get in, it seems a bit dangerous’.” Chuckle.
(4) Double Dutch
Ruud Gullit left Alan Shearer and Danny Murphy at a loss with his pre-FA Cup analysis. “You never see a cow catching a rabbit, but you never know,” he said. Neither was sure whether it was United or Palace that was the cow or the rabbit, but Ruud’s bright eyes come full-time suggested Louis was the happy bunny. Well, until the José news came through.
(3) Hibees
If you haven't yet watched Hibs fans singing Sunshine On Leith after they disposed of Rangers in the Scottish cup final, then your life has a gaping gap. How long had they waited for the day? The Sky man: "114 years, 41 thousand, 665 days." Lengthy, like.
Two goals from Anthony Stokes, with the man from Ramelton, Conrad Logan, in goal – a dynamic diaspora, that.
(2) Ken Brown
Rory’s triumph? “From the dark end of the street to the bright side of the road.”
Anyone who quotes Van during a golf tournament deserves a trip to Áras an Uachtaráin. Sort it, Michael D.
(1) The man of the weekend
“It’s amazing how so many people can be so quiet,” said Sky’s Wayne Riley as Rory teed off on the third yesterday, and with that some knucklehead howled “get in the hoooooole”.
At which point a voice – allegedly, but possibly not - belonging to Rory’s caddy – replied: “Get off the course!”
The telly was hugged so hard, it struggled for breath. But that was the weekend that was – left gasping, we were.
