Sir, – I want to raise an issue that I believe many parents will relate to: public life is becoming less and less child-friendly.
Recently, while shopping with my three-year-old and my seven-month-old, my son had a meltdown. He is pre-verbal, diagnosed autistic, and occasionally has tantrums in public places.
Over the years, we have worked out the best way to help him: I park the trolley, sit beside him with the baby, and let him ride it out safely. What once lasted hours now passes in just a few minutes.
Once he is calm, we talk about what happened and continue our day without further incident. That is progress. That is parenting.
RM Block
But while this was happening, another customer told me to “shut my kid up” because “no one wants to hear that”. Sadly, this is not unusual. I have endured countless side-eyes, muttered comments, and even questions on why he is behaving this way.
The message is loud and clear: children are expected to be silent, invisible and perfectly behaved at all times – or else parents are branded as “bad”.
This attitude is exhausting and deeply unfair. If a parent hands a child an iPad, they are accused of laziness. If a parent allows their child to express their emotions and work through them, they are accused of not having control.
Which is it? Parents cannot win when the very nature of childhood is seen as an inconvenience.
I want to be clear that I do not judge parents who use screens. Sometimes that is the best choice, and often it is survival. Parenting is hard, and every family must do what works for them.
But I have chosen to let my son experience his emotions and learn self-regulation in real-world situations.
That does not make me a bad parent. It makes me a parent who is teaching my child how to live in the world as it really is.
And that, I believe, is the point that society seems to be forgetting. Parenting in public is not about keeping strangers comfortable; it is about raising children into strong, well-adjusted adults. Children cannot learn how to become adults if they are never allowed to exist as children first.
Crying, meltdowns, laughter, noise and energy are all part of being young. They are part of growth, of testing limits, of understanding emotions. When we demand that children be silent and unseen, we are not raising better kids; we are raising kids who will grow up ashamed of their feelings and uncertain of their place in the world. That should worry us all.
Instead of rolling eyes, muttering cruel remarks, or asking families to leave shops and cafes, perhaps we as a community could extend a little more patience and compassion.
None of us were born knowing how to regulate our emotions. We all had to learn. Children today are simply going through that same process, and they deserve grace while they do it.
Today’s children are tomorrow’s adults. Shouldn’t we want them to be good ones? – Yours, etc,
JARVIA CASEY,
Ballyduff Upper,
Waterford.
A game-changer for presidency
Sir, – Michael Gallagher’s timely suggestion for reform of the county council route to presidential nomination (coming on the heels of Independent Ireland’s proposals) would be an excellent enhancement of representational democracy if implemented (“The process that left us with only three candidates for president needs an overhaul,” October 1st).
In order for his suggestion, that the support of something like 5 per cent of councillors across eight different councils would enable a candidate to achieve a presidential nomination, to become a reality, it would of course, as he outlined, require Constitutional change by way of referendum.
And for that to happen the major parties who, as we have seen in the recent nomination process, effectively control this process at present, would have to risk relinquishing their power to veto this route.
Setting aside any aspect of political power does not come naturally to politicians of any hue.
But this suggestion would certainly enhance the representative nature of our treasured democracy.
One thing that might help to give the idea some momentum would be to ask the three current residential candidates if they would enthusiastically support such a measure in future presidential elections.
Michael Gallagher’s proposal, if realised, would be an actual “game changer”. – Yours, etc,
BRENDAN CONROY,
Dublin 14.
High flyer
Sir, – Sir, while out walking during Storm Amy, I narrowly avoided a flying poster of presidential candidate Jim Gavin. I am unsure if it received the required airspace clearance from the Irish Aviation Authority. – Yours, etc,
EVA McDONNELL,
Dublin.
Flying the flag
Sir, – As with many others, I am appalled at the idea of our proud flag being used as a symbol of division and immigration rejection. If the multitude of people who welcome immigration to Ireland also flew our flag, the negative association would no longer apply. Fly the flag for good. – Yours, etc,
JOHN VEALE,
Malahide,
Co Dublin.
Remembering Manchán
Sir, – One of the highlights of my theatrical experiences over the past years has been to attend Manchán Magan’s enlightening and engaging show “Arán & Im” (“Bread & Butter”), in which he created, live on stage, beautiful sourdough bread and handmade butter, while entertaining the audience with stories about Irish culture, our native tongue, the faeries and our attachment to the land.
I still remember the taste of the gorgeous crusty-crunch sourdough bread distributed at the end of his show, covered in lashings of butter made on site during the show with the help of the audience.
Alas, I will never attend that show again, but the happy memories of it will remain.
We are powerless to bring Manchán back in real life, but we can rejoice in the pleasure and happy experiences he has gifted to us, and reflect on the many messages he communicated to us in his congenial and gentle style. – Yours, etc,
ROBERT P GOGAN,
Kilbeggan,
Co Westmeath.
Random acts of kindness
Sir, – Recently, we travelled from Kansas City in the US, to Dublin and other parts of Ireland for the first time.
It is a lovely city and the countryside is beautiful. While in Dublin, we weren’t very good at navigating the bus system.
Our first day, we left the Guinness tour and walked the streets for a bit just sightseeing and then realised we needed to catch a bus to our flat we had rented in the suburbs.
We thought we could pay, but the bus required a pass. A couple of city workers were nearby and saw our confusion.
They stepped in to discuss it with the bus driver and then seeing we were in a bind, one of the gentlemen used his own bus pass to get all four of us on the bus. We thanked him and he said no problem.
He didn’t need to do that, but he did it out of kindness and I believe a sense of pride in making sure his city was welcoming. What a great person.
On our second encounter (we are terrible with buses, haha), we got on the wrong bus, going out of our way.
A nice retired lady saw our troubles and was trying to figure out the best stop for us. Finally, she told us to get off with her and she would walk us to our flat.
We said she didn’t have to, but she insisted.
During the walk, she told stories of the neighbourhoods we passed and of her career at the hospital.
As we passed the brand new giant hospital, she told us how grand it would be and how it was changing the neighbourhood for the better.
Finally, she got us to our flat, then left for her own. She didn’t have to do this, but she wanted to show us kindness for kindness’ sake.
Finally, after we went on a day of sightseeing to St Patrick’s Cathedral, the wonderful park next to it, Marsh’s library, Dublin Castle and other sites, we were a bit thirsty.
I saw a wonderful pub called Lord Edward which didn’t seem to have too many tourists.
We stopped in and two gentlemen, Jerry and Dan, struck up a conversation with us, telling us with pride all about Dublin and listening intently to us about the United States and Kansas City.
After a pint of Guinness, we said we had one more tour at the Teeling Distillery. They asked us to please come back and visit after the tour. We did, and they had saved seats for us at a very packed pub.
They didn’t have to do that, but they did out of kindness and pride in their city.
We had a few more pints with them and it was one of the more enjoyable evenings making friends with people a continent away.
Dubliners, I’m sure you know you have a treasure of a city. But, most importantly, you have many wonderful people living there doing random acts of kindness every day. Thank you so much. – Yours, etc,
KEITH & HEATHER TATE,
Kansas City,
United States.
Government and Gaza flotilla
Sir, – In response to the halting of the Global Sumud Flotilla, I would like our Government to do more than sign letters and make statements.
My concern is not only for Irish citizens and other nationals on board the flotilla. It is for the people of Gaza and the occupied territories who they went to support.
Far from protecting the Israeli people, the result of its president Binyamin Netanyahu’s genocidal policy will be that those children who survive the destruction in Gaza and the repression in the occupied territories will grow up to be yet another generation of angry young Palestinians.
Surely we should have learned from our own recent history, that violence, repression and denial of human rights in the North only led to more violence?
The book, Lost Lives, by journalist David McKittrick, tells of the lives of 3,636 people who died as a result of The Troubles from 1966 to 1999.
Each of them left scarred families and friends, some of whom reacted with more violence.
While I in no way justify the Hamas attack two years ago, I believe that the Israeli response became totally disproportionate well over a year ago.
It was then that our Government should have taken action to economically isolate Israel.
The Government took a leading role within the EU by recognising the Palestinian State.
It is past time for them to take the lead in ending trade with Israel. I am asking them to introduce an immediate moratorium on all trade between Israel and Ireland.
This may have some effect on our economy, but it is the principled thing to do, and actions speak louder than words. – Yours, etc,
MARY CHANCE,
Milltown,
Dublin 14 .
Fish kill on the Blackwater
Sir, – I am writing regarding the disappointing news “Inland Fisheries Ireland concedes it will never catch Blackwater fish-kill perpetrator,” (October, 2nd).
Those of us who fish our rivers, cherish their wildlife, and care deeply for the environment had seen the warning signs long before the catastrophic August fish kill and ecocide.
Our rivers have been thoroughly disrespected, their natural balance disturbed. The poisoning of the River Blackwater was first described as an environmental “insult”.
But insults linger in memory, and this one cannot be forgotten.
This is a crime beyond denunciation.
With wide-ranging estimates of fish fatalities, inconsistent timelines and for all our progress and supposed successes, we still cannot determine the cause, protect river life, or even guarantee clean drinking water from the tap. This is failure.
Our living heritage is being poisoned before our eyes. Before long, we may be showing our children the wild Atlantic salmon and native brown trout only in the pages of an encyclopedia.
It now falls to citizen naturalists, anglers and conservationists to remind both officials and private interests that this crime against our environment and the failure to find the perpetrators will never be forgotten. – Yours, etc,
JAMES KELLEHER,
Drumcondra,
Dublin 9.
Cycling in the North
Sir, – It is quite right for Newton Emerson to cast his beady eye on the disaster that has been the northern expenditure on “active travel” (“What’s behind Northern Ireland’s fake greenways controversy?” October 2nd) and what it has actually been spent on.
However, when he says that 1 per cent of the transport budget to go on “active travel” would be a reasonable amount, I think it is safe to infer that he may not be a cyclist himself.
Belfast has various small bits of cycling infrastructure but little to nothing is joined up, and what about the rest of the North? And rural routes for pedestrians?
There is no reason that 10 per cent of the transport budget should not go on active travel, and every reason that at least that amount should; all it requires is some imagination and planning. – Yours, etc,
ROB FAIRMICHAEL,
Ballynafeigh,
Belfast.
Taking the shine off
Sir, –I cannot imagine what uplifting matters Gabrielle Hyland found inside The Gloss magazine (Letters, October 3rd).
Equally, I cannot imagine anyone having the money to be able to afford any of the items within. – Yours, etc,
PAMELA McDONALD,
Blackrock Village,
Cork.
A shout out for Mick
Sir, – Mick Heaney’s radio review column on a Friday is one of the highlights of reading The Irish Times.
It captures all that is good and not so good about debate, challenging the State, social concerns and nuggets of happiness.
A joy to read. – Yours, etc,
CLAIRE FINNEGAN,
Belfast.
Post dated
Sir, –Today, on October 3rd, I received a letter in the post from the HSE dated September 26th, informing me of an eye appointment for October 2nd.
We are a wealthy and tech-literate society. Sometimes words genuinely fail me. – Yours, etc,
MICK FLYNN,
Waterford
.
