DÁIL SKETCH:"DUNG CATCHERS." With those uplifting words "The Bull" O'Donoghue relaunched himself into the hurly-burly of parliamentary politics.
“I have some experience in this area,” he added, softly.
Indeed he has. John caught a fair bit of the stuff flying at him last October, and as a result had to step down from the exalted position of Ceann Comhairle.
The re-flotation of O’Donoghue’s political career should have been the highlight of a depressing day in Leinster House. Now a mere Fianna Fáil backbencher representing Kerry South, he turned up for duty on the Oireachtas Environment Committee and was immediately able to give the chairman the benefit of his wisdom.
Seán Fleming was considering a request from Jackie Healy-Rae that the comm-it-tee examine the concerns of jarveys in Killarney National Park, who are currently in the horse manure over their horses’ manure. He searched for the correct expression to describe the contraption the OPW is insisting they fit around the horses’ hind quarters.
“Eh, er, horse nappies,” or whatever.
And once again, the lilting tones of the Bull rang out.
“Dung catchers,” carolleth he.
We could have cried.
Kerry South is a cut-throat place for politicians. No sooner had he heard of Healy-Rae’s request to the comm-it-tee and O’Donoghue’s expressed expertise in the sphere of dung management, the third TD in the constituency, Fine Gael’s Tom Sheahan, got in touch.
“They’re equine sanitation devices, actually.” On a grey, rain-sodden day, with the awful unemployment figures under the spotlight, the Bull’s re-entry into the political atmosphere was a welcome diversion.
But not as welcome as Donie Cassidy’s hilarious performance in the Seanad, which left some Senators nursing bruised ribs.
God bless Donie – font of homespun wisdom, Jim Reeves aficionado and a man with no embarrassment threshold whatsoever.
Here’s the background: the Jack and Jill Foundation is a leading children’s charity which provides care and support for babies born with life-threatening conditions, as well as offering respite to parents and families.
It does a marvellous job, with limited resources. Yesterday morning, the foundation launched a campaign for more funding, pointing out that the home care they provide for terminally ill children costs nine times less than hospital nursing care.
They held the launch in Buswells Hotel, and a large number of politicians went across from Leinster House to attend it.
Afterwards, a number of Senators raised their plight in the chamber. Frances Fitzgerald, the Fine Gael Seanad leader, set the ball rolling. “I am sure Senators on both sides will agree with me when I say the work of the Jack and Jill Children’s Foundation, which is ably headed by its CEO, Mr Jonathan Irwin, should be supported by the House and the Government, particularly when one hears from it today about the cost of caring for a child in a residential institution, as opposed to at home. . .”
Donie nodded vigorously, as he did when other Senators expressed similar sentiments.
And then came the time for him to reply to the Order of Business, and he rose to his feet and addressed the issue immediately.
“Senators Fitzgerald, Coghlan, Quinn and Norris congratulated the Jekyll and Hyde foundation for the wonderful work that they’re doing,” began Donie, as senatorial mandibles headed south towards the tufted wool pile at their feet.
Donie – he of the Lisburn Treaty – ploughed on regardless as Senators stifled sniggers.
“Senator Fitzgerald outlined in the House the huge difference in the cost of the services that’s being provided by the Jekyll and Hyde Foundation and by the HSE . . .” There was a stunned silence, brought on by disbelief.
At which point, members from all sides began to roar. “IT’S JACK AND JILL! IT’S JACK AND JILL!” Just for an instant, the FF leader in the Seanad was knocked off his stride.
“Jekyll and Hyde is something different,” spluttered Labour’s Dominic Hannigan, as his colleagues clutched their sides and tried to maintain some semblance of composure.
Donie paused in the face of this onslaught, but not for long. “Jack and Jill Foundation. My apologies,” he murmured, then continued talking. For a long time. As usual.
What can have put nice Dr Jekyll and horrible Mr Hyde in his head? Could it have been his own parliamentary party – those street devils and House angels? Complaining loudly in public about the recent reduction in the pay cut for selected senior public servants, then folding abysmally in the privacy of the party rooms.
Except for Tipperary’s Mattie McGrath, one of the handful who are sticking to their guns. He’s now the unofficial leader of the party’s Tuesday night Glee Club, and was strolling around the corridors yesterday, bold as brass, with a little retinue of the disenchanted in his orbit.
Go Mattie! (Beats having to discuss the unemployment figures.)
