A MOTHER and her nine year old daughter face the shelves in a children's shoe shop - the mother eyes the sensible but stylish laceups, the daughter a pair of size 2 high heeled loafers, the kind teenagers wear.

Failing to persuade her parent that this is suitable for her age, the girl tries childish logic: "They make tank tops for my size too, y'know."

In a recent TV discussion programme, Olivia O'Leary asked: "What do you do when your 15 year old is heading out the door in a Perspex mini?" The fact is, the clothes issue is likely to be a hot one in your family long before that stage.

In some families, the big issue is cost, with children whining for Levi's when parents want to buy cheaper chain store styles. Rows over runners are legendary, with boys taking the lead in their desire for bewilderingly hi tech air pumped trainers that glow in the dark and carry a price tag as inflated as the sole.

For others, it's taste and style: you loathe lime green and dayglo orange velour tops not just because they're Spicey, but because they're tacky. So should you ruthlessly impose your fashion taste, dismissing the idea that kids as young as seven and eight should have a say in what they wear?

Then there's the question of dresses: should you force your eightyear old to wear the party dress her aunty or granny bought her, in an era when many girls grow out of frilly frocks by age six? Nowadays, children as young as seven, eight, and nine not only know what they want to wear, they can be witheringly contemptuous of clothes of which they don't approve.

Penneys, one of the chainstores where most Irish parents buy their children's clothes, has for years divided children into two age groups for clothes - ages two to six, and seven to 14. A spokesperson explains: "We stock the basic sweatshirts and jog legs for boys and girls aged two to 14 all year round colour trends change, but that's all. Then we get the fashionable clothes as well as the classic ranges." For older girls, for example, they stock just a few dress types - vest shaped or pinafore style, which can be teamed with T shirts and jumpers.

What's fashionable this spring is definitely influenced by those Spice Girls: in a hideous throwback to 20 odd years ago, Penney's, like other shops, has hipsters, polyester minis, velour tops, fitted knit tops and high heeled sneakers with clumpy soles.

The chain's clothes buyers are aware of the issues these clothes raise. Says a spokesperson: "They're very trendy, but we have to be careful not to go too far. We won't stock strappy tops or halter tops for this age group. It's a fine line, but we take care not to go over the top."

Other shops are less cautious, and in one boutique off Henry Street, Dublin, I found a purple PVC mini, crimpleney cardies with fake fur trim at the neck, and leather look trousers for seven and eight year olds.

Is it foolish to let children this young have much say in what they wear? To let them choose only if they share your taste for, say, wax jackets?

Ann Costelloe, wife of fashion designer Paul, has six sons and one daughter, aged three to 16. They wear jeans - 501s, Wranglers or the like - and jumpers for ordinary wear, with Dubarry decksider shoes runners like Reeboks and Nikes are worn only for sport, not as fashion items. Ann does indulge the 11 year old girl, who likes feminine clothes; she is already too tall for children's clothes, so "Paul will have a few little skirts made for her."

However, Ann won't entertain demands she considers unreasonable - for expensive shoes, for example - and deals gently but firmly with requests for trendy stuff: "In September, when we go shopping for ordinary black school shoes, they're attracted by those chunky things with soles like concrete blocks. I say `What would they look like after being kicked around?' and it's not an issue."

Senior psychologist Marie Murray says parents should let children, even young children, have some say in what they wear, but resist demands they consider unreasonable.

But more than that, they should challenge consumer values that judge other people by what they wear and what they have (assuming, of course, you don't embody those values yourself). If your child criticises another for what she wears, you might say "yes, but isn't she.. ." kind, funny, whatever.

Thus parents should not put themselves into debt to buy a label item they can't afford. On the other hand, "it's important to allow children to dress enough like their friends not to damage their sense of self. If a child is going to feel very different from his or her peers, it might be a better use of money to buy one pair of Levi's than three pairs of chain store jeans."

In others words, it's no harm to let children have a little bit of what they want, as long as you're satisfied the clothes are reasonable value, sensible and safe.

Because bad taste isn't the issue with some of the clothes now on the market for little girls; dressing them in quite sexualised clothes is. "A child can be in danger of being attacked in those kinds of clothes, because they carry a dangerous message," Murray says. "Parents shouldn't collude in the notion that they're okay, and should protest to the shops that stock them."