There is a particular sigh that we emit when we finally find we are home alone. We all do it and if you listen out, you will hear it again when families are no longer cooped up together.
Children adopt a version of it when they are left alone to play in peace. Teenagers have a loud and uncouth version of it that usually signals mischief – most likely a house party. It marks a high point of a weekday for anyone who finally gets the place to themselves when everyone has gone out to work or school.
That solo, blissful sigh has been replaced by a veritable cacophony of differing sound effects from multiple voices since the Covid-19 pandemic began. Many of those sounds never reach the online classroom, but their existence is real. The fact that we as teachers are protected from them is indicative of the momentous role parents are playing in education right now.
Conflict between siblings at home is laced with new elements
While I experience only one local setting, my colleagues around the country tell similar stories. As a profession, we are reaping the benefits of Trojan parental efforts. For all the moaning about teachers that we normally hear in Ireland, parental engagement during this online gig means that we are now in "actions speak louder than words" territory, learning how truly valued our role is by parents.
During the initial term of online learning last spring, media reports of “how do teachers do it?” were rife. A brush with taking on the role of a teacher for their children brought new respect and admiration which parents were not afraid to share.
This time around it’s our turn as teachers to ensure that parents’ efforts are brought to the fore and celebrated. Although parenting is a 24/7 job, it hasn’t been as full-time during school years in the way that it has been for too many weeks and months since last March. Parenting during a pandemic is a tough, tough gig.
In many ways, school is what saves families from constant close-proximity parenting. Bizarrely, it seems to be far easier to get children out of the house and into school than it is to get them on to the online classroom at home. If there is a cameras-off option, students will drag out every precious moment of their time in bed on the excuse of a short commute.
Bargaining tool
I envy the breakfasts I see being delivered during the 9am class and know well that breakfast was a key bargaining tool in getting the child in front of me at all.
Having somewhere virtual to send the children means you can separate them, so, again, school plays a vital peace-keeping role. Lockdown fighting is not the same beast as traditional sibling bickering. If only parents had a mandate to enforce social distancing within households!
Conflict between siblings at home is laced with new elements: sadness at not seeing friends, physical frustration at not being able to train or play outdoors with others who are not siblings and so much more.
Parents, I hope you are minding yourselves in whatever ways are possible under the circumstances
Anxieties about being excluded are far higher. At least in the playground, children can see who is playing with who. In the virtual world, it is tempting to speculate on all manner of interactions that are taking place without you.
Parents also need self-care; and two fundamental features of self-care, as I administer it, are alone time and peace of mind. To be deprived of these for a prolonged period means that parenting is being done on minimal self-care fuel. The least we can do is to acknowledge that and thank parents for the significant sacrifices they are making.
This is most definitely not homeschooling – it is much harder. If parents were homeschooling, there would be some supports and structures to recognise their key educational role. Here, they are very much on the front line but not actually in charge.
Parental input
Parental input can be easily scorned by the child who, having asked for help, miraculously recalls and adopts the teacher’s way of doing it. Not the best use of time, especially given that many parents may have been interrupted while working hard at their own jobs.
The path of least resistance in these battles can be to scribble in the answers for your child, rather than push on through the pain and I do not judge you for that. I know that you’ve done it, though – it’s much harder to disguise your writing than you think. We may not say that we noticed, but we have.
Parenting 24/7, based on the original terms and conditions, didn’t include many things that are expected in the lockdown-dictated and pandemic-driven climate:
Catering service: all day, every day (young people can, and do, eat a lot).
Tech support: all day, every day (the whole household being on devices and using the internet results in a serious increase in the number and frequency of problems).
Peace Corps: all day, every day (as a direct result of so many people being under one roof for so long).
Parents, I hope you are minding yourselves in whatever ways are possible under the circumstances. Like you, I hope that we will be able to return your children to school sooner rather than later.
Then we can hear again that familiar, contented sigh across the length and breadth of the country.
