British TV presenter Kirstie Allsopp could scarcely have imagined the furore that would follow when she posted on X about her pride that her 15-year-old son had spent three weeks inter-railing around Europe with his 16-year-old friend.
Allsopp, best known for presenting property programmes such as Location, Location, Location, said her son and his older friend “organised the whole thing; Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, Berlin, Munich, Marseilles, Toulouse, Barcelona and Madrid”.
“For obvious budget reasons inter-railing isn’t on the cards for everyone, but in this increasingly risk averse world, it’s vital that we find any ways we can to give our children the confidence that only comes from trusting them,” Allsopp said, adding: “Of course I missed spending the summer with our son, but I’m so proud of him.”
[ An air steward on Kirstie Allsopp’s parenting: Some parents have no shameOpens in new window ]
While she received some support for her post last week, she faced a sizeable backlash too, with many questioning the wisdom of allowing a 15-year-old to travel without an adult. And Allsopp later said she was reported to UK social services and contacted by a social worker who informed her that a file had been opened after child protection concerns were raised.
On Instagram, Allsopp said: “I thought his trip was inspiring, and it never occurred to me in a million years that a call from children services would be involved, it’s been a huge shock, not least for Oscar.”
Allsopp argued on X that “it’s important that we stop infantilising young people”. She also said “different kids mature at different speeds”.
To draw a comparison, 15-year-olds are typically in Junior Cycle year in Ireland – taking their first State exam. Allsopp’s son had just completed his GCSEs. The so-called post-Leaving Certificate holiday is many Irish parents’ first experience of their children travelling to a different country for a period, out of the care of an older adult – but the key difference is those teenagers are themselves adults by then. We spoke to some parents in Ireland to determine how they feel about the prospect of allowing a 15-year-old to travel around Europe unaccompanied by an adult.
‘The world is a dangerous, unpredictable place’
Ellen Brophy, from Kilkenny, has three children aged 14, 12 and 10, and says the idea of allowing her eldest to travel across Europe next year would not be something she would even be open to considering.
“The world is a dangerous, unpredictable place and I don’t feel that a 15-year-old is equipped to handle the unknowns in a foreign country,” Brophy says. The distance is also a concern for her. “If anything happened they are so far away from you and your network of support.”
However, Brophy feels contacting social services about Allsopp in relation to this matter was wrong, even if she personally disagrees with Allsopp’s stance. “I wouldn’t report someone,” she says, adding that the person who did report her should “mind your business”.
‘We are overly protecting our children today’
Richard Hogan is from Cork but lives in Dublin. He is a family therapist and father of three. He says while some factors can depend on an individual child rather than their age, he believes 15 is too young to allow a teenager to travel internationally with a 16-year-old friend.
“Fifteen is too young, because their brains aren’t developed enough yet to understand the nuances of manipulation that adults can use to get what they want from them,” Hogan says. “We are overly protecting our children today,” but “roaming around Europe at 15 might be too severe of an over correction to this phenomenon.”
So, is travelling around Ireland at that age an acceptable compromise? “Sixteen or 17 is more palatable” for that, Hogan says.
‘They’re going towards adulthood a little bit earlier’
Ceranna Hanley Hall, in Galway, finds the discussion around allowing a 15-year-old to go inter-railing with his 16-year-old friend particularly interesting. “I was a parent myself just before my 16th birthday,” she explains.
Now a mother of two boys, aged 20 and 17, she says becoming a parent at such a young age meant that she had to grow up “pretty quickly. I was an adult from that day”.
Hanley Hall says there is no point in comparing today’s 15- and 16-year-olds to 15- and 16-year-olds from years ago. “I was forced to be mature”.
“I think it’s very specific that someone reported that poor lady to UK social services. I’m sure her child is well looked after and she obviously made that decision consciously, based on her child’s ability.”
[ Kids’ lives are being constrained by their parents’ fearsOpens in new window ]
Hanley Hall also points to the age difference at which teenagers finish school in Britain compared to Ireland. “They’re going towards adulthood a little bit earlier, whereas we’re going backwards. Our kids are staying in school until 19. I think if it was the equivalent here, I think it would be normal as well.”
Ultimately, Hanley Hall thinks decisions around such matters should be largely based on the individual child’s ability, and says she would worry more about her sons going out at night than “an actual planned scheduled trip”.
‘Most 15-year-olds are too naive’
Sinéad Fox is from Wexford and has three children aged 15, 13 and 11. She believes 15 is too young to travel abroad alone. “Most 15-year-olds are too naive and lack the life experience to go abroad alone and live independently. There are practical things – 15-year-olds are not allowed to go to concerts alone, for example,” Fox says.
It is not that Fox is against encouraging independence at a young age, she explains, rather that age appropriateness needs to be the guiding principle. “Day trips at that age are grand. Leaving the country without adults to fall back on at 15 is too much in my book. I moved away to college at 17, and that, or leaving school, would be my marker.”
‘It really depends on the child’
Annie Trueman, who lives in Longford, has two children aged 19 and 13. She was not particularly taken aback by Allsopp’s decision to allow her son to travel. She believes it “really depends on the child and whether they could navigate it by the themselves”. Trueman says if she thought a child could manage, she “would let them”.
Age alone isn’t a factor, Trueman argues, particularly in the wake of the pandemic restrictions and their lasting impact in teenagers. “I have an almost 19-year-old in Albufeira at the minute. And if you think about it, he has as much life experience as a 16-year-old because of the Covid lockdown,” she says.
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