Net Results: I was at a barbeque at the weekend where I ended up sitting across from a mobile phone mast installer, a job which in populist appeal sits somewhere just above car clampers and below the TV licence inspector.
He was a very cheerful fellow, however, and physically imposing enough to politely face down neighbourhood protesters if needed.
He'd successfully got a mast up in town recently, which these days seems to be a feat not unlike successfully negotiating the Good Friday Agreement and requiring the same skills demonstrated by the crafty unknown(s) who managed to slap that bronze plaque to the mysterious but late lamented Father Pat Noise onto O'Connell Bridge without anyone noticing.
For when it comes to mobile phone masts, folks have a way of noticing and, not long after, protesting and preventing the mast being erected, at least if they are the great and good residents of Dalkey and Killiney. The dedicated citizenry, or a portion thereof involved with a group called Members of the Dalkey Community Against Radiation, prevented a 3G mast being erected on top of Dalkey police station last week, where there's already an existing GSM mast.
It's clear that feelings run strong on this issue in Dalkey and surrounding communities - Shankill also has a very active group opposing masts without community consultation. A Dalkey protester parked a car across the turn into the police station, rendering it inaccessible to the mast folks.
What's driving the mobile phone companies crazy, the mast installer told me, is that these posh leafy suburbs with views are the catchment area for much of Dublin's most wealthy - many of them youngish and affluent new-money people. Tech money people. In other words, the perfect target market for 3G services.
Oddly enough, these are some of the same people you will hear complaining bitterly about the miserable mobile phone reception in the Dalkey and Killiney areas.
The reason the reception is so poor is that there are only a couple of mobile masts in the vicinity: it's easily the lowest concentration of masts in the Dublin area.
You can see how few masts there are by logging onto a service provided by telecommunications regulator ComReg at http://www.askcomreg.ie/mobile/site_viewer.asp . This brings up an interactive map that shows the exact position of every phone mast in the country. Look at Dalkey and you'll see only a few blue squares marking mast locations.
Click across the nearby Dún Laoghaire and suddenly all the blue squares disappear. Not because there are no masts, but because, says the site, there are too many to show at the resolution I am using on the map. I had to zoom out for the squares to reappear. That's how low-density Dalkey is when it comes to mobile masts.
"The hills must make it difficult too. Though I suppose you have similar issues out in rural areas where there's strong mast opposition," I said to the mast installer. "No signals and so on."
Not at all, he said. In lieu of the desired density of masts in rural areas, they just "blast the signal" to carry a longer distance. "Oh," I said, alarmed. Well, that'll show 'em, I guess. I wondered if rural residents were aware that this is the case.
The ongoing confrontations raise complex issues, though. Are the protesters a bunch of cranks who refuse to enter the 20th, much less the 21st, centuries? Studies have consistently shown there's little risk of radiation or other health problems with mobile phone masts.
And - setting Dalkey aside - most protests are centred in regions that bemoan the lack of "knowledge economy" jobs in their regions. But which technology company will consider basing itself some place where mobile coverage is pathetic, because the locals keep tearing down masts in the middle of the night?
Or are we missing something here? Are these folks the outriders of a need for greater awareness and a more comprehensive view, underlining how indifferent the rest of us have become to potential risk, as long as we can download a Coldplay ringtone, send an MMS, or watch a World Cup goal replay?
I don't think the mobile companies ponder these questions too deeply. As far as they are concerned, Dalkey must be the crown jewel of potential revenue set inaccessibly in a bulletproof glass case. So near - all that high income disposable dosh! - yet so unreachable.
On the brighter side, it's only unreachable during the hours the beautiful people spend in their sequestered homes. Surely more time is spent down in the pubs and restaurants, or driving in a big car somewhere, receiving videocalls and sending MMS messages - say a snapshot of that perfect new leather settee you've just bought and arranged to be delivered back to the spouse?
Meanwhile, they can return home and sleep soundly knowing the mast radiation is far, far away, beaming down on the Dalkey wannabes in Terenure and Ranelagh, Glasnevin and Castleknock, areas where the masts all snuck in like Fr Pat Noise, with little warning and little fanfare.
klillington@irish-times.ie
weblog: http://weblog.techno-culture.com
