They had been so close for so long, the five of them, that when Xue became pregnant they treated it like a milestone in all of their lives. Two couples and my reluctantly single friend Hao, they met a decade ago in college, where many Chinese people form their firmest lifelong friendships.
A couple of weeks ago, when the due date was imminent, they all spent the day together, eating and talking and taking pictures to commemorate the last time they would meet before five became six. After a few false alarms, each breathlessly reported by Hao, Xue finally went into labour last Saturday and delivered a baby girl weighing a healthy 3.6kg.
Xue’s husband Jun is the mild-mannered only son of parents who, he says, have made micromanaging his life the sole focus of their own. When he told them the child would be a girl they said he should have a boy next time but took a close interest in the naming of the new baby.
Xue and Jun agreed to a name in consultation with both sets of parents but they decided privately to give the child the nickname Muxi. It is a traditional name of the sweet scented osmanthus, a flower they both like the scent of, which is also the subject of one of Jun’s favourite poems.
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A couple of days after the baby was born I asked Hao if he had seen her yet but he said that would not be possible for at least a month. “Chinese mothers stay at home for the first month and see nobody except their mothers. Jun’s mother is coming for the first two weeks and Xue’s mother for the next two,” he said.
A female friend told me that this practice of confinement happens only in rural areas and not in the cities, but she is unmarried and has no children so I asked another woman who has a five-year-old daughter. She told me that not only does the mother stay indoors for a month but she is not supposed to take a shower, wash her hair or brush her teeth.
“I made it to the sixth day and then I just had to have a shower. But every time I got a cold or a pain in my back after that, even years later, my mother would say ‘that’s because of that shower’,” she said.
The tradition of post-partum confinement in China is at least 2,000 years old but it is seen by many to have psychological and physical benefits for mother and baby. According to this tradition, mothers should have only warm food and drink, windows should remain closed and air conditioning should be turned off.
“I had my baby in June and the temperature in Beijing was above 30 degrees but my mother wouldn’t let me turn the air conditioning on. I was feeling emotional after the birth and I didn’t want to argue with her so I just did what she said most of the time,” the mother said.
The guidance on confinement is mostly passed down orally through the generations rather than prescribed by doctors, although medical professionals seldom discourage it. Nowadays mothers are more likely to pick and choose parts of the guidance, and the higher their level of education the more likely they are to rely on doctors for advice.
The Chinese tradition of post-partum confinement reflects the greater role grandparents play in the life of a child compared to most western countries. It is also informed by a different view of childbirth, which is seen in traditional Chinese medicine as something similar to an illness that produces an exhaustion which requires careful nurturing for recovery.
Hao told me that Xue was following the traditional rules to the letter and that she had not started complaining about it yet. Meanwhile, Jun was enjoying his first week of paternity leave while Xue was looking forward to five months off work.
As China’s population has started to decline the government is actively encouraging people to have children with measures to reduce the cost of childbirth, parenting and education. A notice from the state council last month told local governments to improve reproductive health services and the maternity leave system.
“Carry forward the traditional virtues of the Chinese nation, advocate the social value of respecting childbirth, advocate age-appropriate marriage, and encourage husband and wife to share the responsibility of parenting. We will vigorously advocate a positive view of marriage and love, fertility and family, strengthen the construction of family education and family customs, and promote the formation of a new style of socialist family civilisation,” it said.