Q. What are all the clapped-out celebrities doing for the millennium?
A. They'll all be doing what they do best: charging you, the punter, excessive amounts of money so you can see them go through their tired paces yet again.
Despite early protestations from the spangly brigade that they'd be spending the millennium on their private island surrounded by friends, managers, agents, lawyers, personal trainers and make-up supervisers, over the last few months many of them have inked a deal to put on a "show of a lifetime" for the millennium. There's a lot of these "show of a lifetime" events around, potentially causing disorientation and cultural confusion among the populace (just who is the biggest star and where will he/she be playing on December 31st? etc); you would have thought that because these entertainers love their public so much (as they never tire of telling us within those probing, investigative interviews in Hello! magazine) that they would put a cap on the prices for their millennium shows, thus allowing their average fan to gain entrance. Not a bit of it - it's more biz than show this year. Barbra Streisand's Y2K concerts at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas will net her a record-breaking $13 million for two shows.
The tickets though ain't cheap - in fact the dearest ones are a snip at $1 million a pair, with the cheapest coming in at a paltry $2,500. There's no point scrimping and saving here though for if you buy the dearest pair of tickets you'll be guaranteed front-row seats with the added incentive of a room at the MGM "mansion", a spa treatment and a gourmet meal. These prices far exceed the previous record for a ticket price which was held by the similarly-aged Rolling Stones - the top ticket price on their "No Security" tour was $300. Coincidentally or not, mere hours after Streisand announced her MGM dates the self-styled "King Of Pop" Michael Jackson announced plans of his Y2K concert and, very significantly, the press release stated, in a supreme bout of one-upmanship, that Jackson would be "paid more money than any other artist working that night in the country" for his gig in Hawaii.
Jackson being Jackson though, he'll be playing not once but twice on December 31st. First he performs at a stadium in Sydney, Australia before flying to the Aloha Stadium in Honolulu in plenty of time for his show that night (Sydney is 20 hours ahead of Hawaii). Lasting from late afternoon to early the next morning, the Jackson extravaganza will also feature a number of other big-name bands in a specially-converted stadium - "there'll be several large tents around the place" say the show's promoters, enigmatically.
"Michael felt he should perform in Hawaii at the millennium" the promoters add, "because it's the last chance and place in the United States where an American can enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime experience. Ticket prices will fit regular budgets."
Elsewhere, all showbiz roads lead to Las Vegas where an Elton John/Tina Turner Y2K double bill is competing with shows from Rod Stewart, Andrea Bocelli, Bette Midler and Harry Connick Jr. The average ticket price here is $1,000, while over in Los Angeles, the Eagles and Jimmy Buffett are doing the millennium thing for $1,500 and $1,400 respectively.
So far Ireland and Britain have yet to declare their main live entertainment plans for Y2K (there will be something at Dublin's Point Depot though) but already the message seems to be getting out (judging by the reaction in the US) that over-priced tickets are perhaps not the best way to go.
If already you're tired of entertainers cashing in by securing lucrative Y2K shows, you'll no doubt be thrilled to hear that one of the top entertainers on this side of the Atlantic (a man who holds the record for the most hit singles in UK chart history) has been so unimpressed by his colleagues' actions that he has announced he will stage a free show in the NEC Arena in Birmingham on December 31st. And you shouldn't let the fact that his name is Cliff Richard put you off.
