THAT'S MEN:It's not just men, women give other women hassle
‘I WAS asked to go to a meeting of senior managers to give a presentation on a report I had written. As the meeting started and the group assembled around the table, one of the senior managers took one look at me and announced loudly ‘Oh good, we have someone here to take the notes.’
“He was very red-faced when I said I was in fact there to give a presentation on the high-level report being discussed in the meeting.”
The writer is a contributor to the Everyday Sexism Project ( everydaysexism.com/), a website to which women, mostly in the UK, contribute examples of everyday sexist behaviour by men and, on some occasions, by other women.
Are Irish men as idiotic, infuriating and sometimes abusive as those mentioned on the website? I hope not but we’re not really all that different to the Brits and perhaps female readers might let me know how Irishmen rate in the everyday sexism league.
The different treatment of men and women when both are engaged in any kind of transaction is a constant complaint.
According to the contributors, it is the man and not the woman to whom the bank teller, the computer salesman, the waiter and others talk, not dreaming that the woman might be the one with the expertise.
“My dad takes me to buy a new PC ‘cause I know more than him’,” one woman writes. “I ask questions, salesman answers to my dad, barely looks at me.”
“Manager consistently turning his back to me to discuss a project with my male colleague . . who works under me as I am the project manager,” writes another.
If you’ve been around the world of work for long enough you’ll have noticed that sometimes women get plenty of hassle from other women.
Example: “While being interviewed by a woman I was asked if I lived ‘at home’, had a boyfriend and was I planning on having children.”
Another example: “I found a message from my female boss saying that the girls from both shifts have to iron the tablecloths. (I work as a waitress in a restaurant. We work in girl-guy teams).”
That said, though, the overwhelming majority of complaints are about sexist behaviour by men. Sometimes what goes on is pure, disgusting abuse.
“I’m pregnant. Man passed me and said, ‘Do you want to make it twins, love?’ I ignored him and he told me to ‘Cheer the f*ck up.’”
“Did a tough bar shift serving a group of guys all night. Was professional, friendly. Feedback form said: ‘Bigger tits please.’ I felt like absolute shit.”
“As a student nurse my mentor used to grope my leg when we were in his car on placements, said if I complained he’d fail me.”
I found one Irish reference: “We are encouraged to celebrate the advance of women into the cockpit, yet Ryanair still releases an all-female nude calendar.”
But here’s a woman you have to cheer for:
“Someone yelling ‘You must be a bodybuilder’ at me as I walked past. (I am not butch, merely athletic. Apparently that’s offensive to other people.) At that stage I’d had enough and I turned around, walked back to the guy and punched him in the face.
“His utterly shocked expression is one that will stay with me for the rest of my life; like he thought, ‘Well, I can say what I want to random passers-by but they’re not allowed to react.’ I mean WTF.”
Does your heart good. Not that this column advocates violence. No, no.
Among the entries I read, two compete to take the biscuit. The first is: “Was asked if I was married in a job interview. Was then asked why not?”
But the winner for sheer, crass, gobsh*te behaviour is: “Boss during a part-time job interview asks if it’s a problem for him to ‘occasionally trip and touch’ me.”
You can follow this fascinating blog on Twitter at @EverydaySexism
PADRAIG O'MORAIN(pomorain@ireland.com) is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His book, Light Mind - Mindfulness for Daily Living, is published by Veritas. His monthly mindfulness newsletter is available free by email.