So you can’t sing, you can’t dance and you look awful. Well for a career investment of €136,430 I can guarantee even the lowest Z-list celebrity a level of public attention normally reserved for recently married members of the Kardashian family.
Perhaps we cannot assure you of stardom per se, but certainly a supporting role. That’s if you can steal some of the limelight from the star of the show: BMW’s attempt to create a gorgeous looking guilt-free performance car.
Rarely have we driven a car that has attracted so much rubber-necking from other motorists or pedestrians.
BMW’s vision of the supercar’s future is certainly a hit amongst the Irish public. I can’t recall a previous test car - from Porsches to Ferraris - that generated this type of attention on the roads.
During our all-too-short weekend with the car we had Fiat Pandas doing u-turns so they could get a better look. Eminently sober and restrained men regressed to gibbering teenagers in reaction to the gullwing doors. And at one stage a taxi driver took his bemused American passengers hostage as he followed us into a car park in order to get a closer look at the i8 - and his photo taken with the car.
The i8 is set to play a starring role on social media this weekend during the annual Canonball run, a supercar charity drive around the island. While it will be in the company of Porsches, Ferraris and Lamborghinis, it’s an almost certain bet that the i8 will steal the show.
With several Irish orders already in, it's likely that sales here will enter double digits, even with a price tag of close to €140,000. Across Europe it seems that demand for the i8 is likely to exceed supply for the foreseeable future, so even if they added another €100,000 to the price tag it still would sell. That's a pretty phenomenal feat for a plug-in hybrid, which shares its fundamental principles with the Toyota Prius and a modified petrol engine that features in the latest Mini. Then again, the Bugatti Veyron shares the same basic principles of combustion engines as a VW Polo.
The i8 is the natural successor to BMW’s last great supercar, the M1 of the 1970s. Since then there have been models like the 8-Series and the stunning Z8, but neither of these seemed to boast the same direct bloodline to the M1 as with the i8.
The futuristic looks are show-stopping. While the low-set pinched front nose is typical of the genre, the dramatic scoops and lines of the rear are taken straight from the Vision concept car showcased back in 2009. Few believed such lines would make it through to the production model. In fact little has changed between the concept and this car.
If I have a qualm about its looks it's that I'm not convinced that those radical lines will last the test of time. Particularly from the rear, its dramatic look could age as quickly as other big-bang looks, like the Testarossa or Countach of the 1980s. It's got all the credentials to be a poster car on the bedroom walls of many young petrolheads, but I don't think it will have the timeless quality of the BMW Z8, for example.
But while the striking looks are evident to all who look at the photos or video, what’s less clear is the scale of innovation at work underneath.
The 2+2 seater supercar mixes eco-friendly hybrid power with supercar performance. Just to recap, at its heart the i8 is a plug-in hybrid that marries a three-cylinder 1.5-litre petrol engine to a 131bhp electric motor powered by a rechargeable battery pack. This battery can get its power from regenerative braking, like most hybrids, but also directly from a plug, either the regular mains or a car charging point.
The engine is out of sight, taking up space in the back in a format akin to the Mini, only this time driving the back wheels. The electric motor is left to power the front ones. While it all sounds relatively simple, the end result is a very complex system of electronic controls, that effectively results in an all-wheel drive sports car format.
The end result of this eco-friendly format is a car that can claim to manage up to 135mpg (2.1/100km) with emissions of just 49g/km. It can also hit 100km from a standing start in 4.4 seconds. In fact if you put your foot down and look away from the heads-up speed display you are likely to find yourself deep in three digits. The Jekyll and Hyde effect of an eco-friendly performance car comes through when you flick from regular (ecopro or comfort) mode to sport. As the digital dials turn from blue to red the engine note hits a higher octave, the throttle response becomes feather-light and the world starts to whizz past like it’s on a high-speed conveyor belt. It’s quick. Very quick.
The beauty of the i8 - in contrast to so many other performance cars with similar straight-line clout - is that it’s so easy to drive. Most supercars can be heart-tuggingly gorgeous to look at but heart-stoppingly temperamental to drive. Get a gear-change wrong or mis-time your footwork on the pedals and you may find yourself in a motoring pirouette.
The i8 on the other hand is remarkably forgiving. It’s in no ways practical to live with - those doors are good for show but little else while the boot is barely big enough for a sports bag - but it’s capable of being driven on an everyday basis. BMW has delivered on one of Porsche’s strongest attributes: these cars can be both track demons and commuter darlings.
The ride is firm, but not back-breaking even on your average potholed Irish back road. The i8 sits low to the ground but it doesn’t seem any more restricted than a regular low set saloon.
Back in early Spring our colleague Michael Taylor was amongst the first group of journalists to test the i8 and arguably his greatest gripe was with the six-speed transmission. There were times during our Irish drive when it proved unresponsive to downshifts, when the engine kicked in and held the revs in gear. But overall the wizardry behind the hybrid system delivered its promised punch.
This ‘ease of use’ is also reflected in the cabin. Once you’ve managed to slip yourself in under the gullwing doors without banging your head - a feat we only managed 50 per cent of the time - the cabin is actually very intuitive to anyone who has been in a new 3-Series. The quality of the finish is, of course, a world apart from the mass production BMW model - boasting leather stitching that would make a Hermes handbag seamstress feel like a failure. But the switchgear is common with most top-end BMWs these days.
There’s a host of innovations on display with the i8, from the ability to generate that phenomenal performance from a relatively small eco-friendly engine, through to the use of lightweight carbon fibre in the bodyframe, something it shares with its all-electric sibling the supermini i3. Then there are the laser lights offering high beam clarity for up to 600 metres ahead.
But it’s the look of the car sitting on its striking 20-inch alloys that will remain the talking point. This is BMW’s attempt to change the world of sports cars and in many ways it has delivered. It has squared the circle of environmental care with sports car performance.
Whatever about the innovations on display, the public acclaim is clear: this car is a star.
Lowdow: BMW i8
Engine: 1.5-litre in-line, turbocharged three, two electric motors
Output: 266kW/400Nm
Transmission: six-speed automatic, two-speed automatic (electric)
Fuel: 2.1L/100km (combined, auto)
CO2: 48g/km (combined, auto)
0-100km/h: 4.4 seconds
Price: €136,430 (after hybrid rebates)
