PEDICURE
I hate feet. I think therapists who give pedicures should receive medals for bravery. To spare them, try doing it yourself. First up is exfoliation, to take off all that hard yellow skin. Use a gadget such as the Emjoi Micropedi, or a cream with a high urea content such as Eucerin Dry Skin Intensive Foot Cream, 10% Urea (€11). The results are revoltingly fascinating. Then push your cuticles back, trim your nails and paint them a nice bright colour.
MANICURE
Most of us go for a manicure so that it will look professional and will last. If you're only going for a file and polish instead of gelish or shellac, do it yourself. Use a pale colour, as these are easier to work with. There are lots of long-lasting ranges out there. I like the new Essie Gels collection, and Maybelline Miracle Gels have some great, on-trend shades.
HAIR REMOVAL
This is a hot topic among feminists, but don't worry about it. If you want to remove hair, do. If you don't, then stay au naturel. If you go to a salon, you're going to get waxed. A one-time investment for an epilator will give you the same results. The ouch factor is still as bad, but don't be a wuss. Woman up. I use a Remington EP7030 Cordless 5 in 1 Epilator (€145).
BROWS
Benefit has just released a slew of new brow goodies. I particularly like Ka-Brow, as it fills in gaps, and the angled brush enables a precise finish. But I think the best investment for brows, as well as make-up, is the No7 Illuminated Makeup Mirror (€69.99), which is amazing. It has two light settings and it swivels and tilts: there's not a chance a stray hair will escape its Eye of Sauron accuracy.
FACIAL
My pet hate is spending €100 for an hour-long facial when most of the time is spent "relaxing". While I'm lying there, I want a foot massage and a head massage. Otherwise I might as well do the facial myself. Use two masks: one to exfoliate and one to hydrate. Try Ren Glycolactic Radiance Renewal Mask to clear away dead skin and gently exfoliate. Follow with any moisture mask you like; I love jelly masks such as Lancome Énergie De Vie Sleeping Mask (€55).
CLEOPATRA BATH
You'll spend €60-plus for the privilege of lying for half an hour in what amounts to a jacuzzi bath with some moisturising bath oil in it. Cut that out and have a fancy bath at home. Clear your calendar. Tip some gorgeous bath oil such as Neom Tranquillity Bath & Shower Oil, or the humble Oilatum (€12), which beats most bath products hands down. Light a fancy candle if you want to create the full spa experience: the three-wick Neom Happiness Candle is a delight.
