GIVE ME A BREAK:WELL DONE, Irish mammies! Well done also to dads, wives, girlfriends, teachers and daughters, but especially mammies. The Irish Times/ Behaviour Attitudes Men Today poll taking us inside the minds of men shows that men have thrown away the traditional straitjacket of masculinity and are embracing a new way of being and - lo and behold - they're happy about it.

The survey of the thoughts and feelings of men '- the 18- to 35-year-olds in particular - has to be seen in the light of the mothers who reared them between 1973 and 1990 and taught their baby boys that it was okay to cry. Many of these women questioned what it meant to raise a son. It was women's way of changing the world, one boy at a time.

This was no threatening feminist revolution, and these boys, now grown men, didn't perceive it that way, the survey shows. Instead of rearing angry men, Irish mothers reared flexible and tolerant ones who can admit that they occasionally thump the table in frustration but are unlikely to thump their wives, and who relish the prospect of taking an equal role in child-rearing.

So all you Irish mammies out there deserve a fist-bumping, flag-waving cheer. You've reared a generation of men who feel unashamed to acknowledge their "feminine" sides, even if they've yet to step up to the plate politically. They see domestic tasks as partly their responsibility, even though we could split hairs on this one (is filling the dishwasher equal to cleaning the bathroom?). And at least some of them recognise that finding affordable childcare is a problem.

It's a far cry from the old stereotype of the man who stopped off at the pub after work and then expected his dinner to be hot on the table when he got home.

Men and fathers deserve at least some of the credit, though. They have courageously evolved because they see the benefit for them of being more involved in family life. You could say that they have it both ways: dominant and better paid in the workplace and adored at home if they so much as leave work early to collect the kids from school.

But that in itself is a revolution and it has been achieved gently by mothers and wives too sensible to engage in hardcore feminism, a phenomenon which, for the short period of time it was in the ascendant, introduced us to the concept of equality. Blazing public rows about working mothers, abortion and divorce followed and despite predictions of the end of Irish civilisation, quite the opposite happened. For most, Ireland became a better place to live and work.

So feminism - rebranded as equality - didn't turn Irish women into power-hungry dragons, but it did empower mothers to go about influencing their sons with typical subtlety and humour. Irish men have had their lives changed by feminism in a positive way. They're not victims whose children are being torn from them by power-grabbing witches.

But such change happening so fast does feel threatening to some people. The past 20 years in Ireland have seen changes which, in the US, for example, have taken place over 100 years. This pace of change would make any other society spin apart, believes Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. In 20 years, the Irish have experienced a century's worth of mega-shifts from small communities to global view, from homogeneity to diversity, from so-called stability to unceasing change.

Upward social mobility, immigration, the break from the geographic family place, the questioning of orthodox religion, changing values - all of these are supposed to bring about social unrest. We should be imploding, and yet, instead, our men feel satisfied.

Irish men are resilient in the face of change and - God bless their optimism - hopeful about the future. Men in their 40s believe that their best is yet to come, despite their worries about financial security.

Yes, the fact that 12 per cent of young men have considered suicide is worrying, but at least we're asking the question and at least these young men are willing to admit it.

The reality for most is that it has become possible to achieve the American Dream on Irish soil. And isn't that what the millions of Irish who emigrated to the US always wanted? Because it's an Irish dream really that Irish men (and women) created in the US as they struggled to transform themselves from poor immigrants to wealthy, powerful leaders in their communities. Maybe it's now time to accept that an undying belief in one's ability to adapt and to achieve is an Irish trait.

And far from being workaholics, our men love family life and children. Only 12 per cent of them admit to having been unfaithful to their current partner, which is half as many as in the UK and the US. They're also flexible around sexuality. Two-thirds of men wouldn't be too concerned if they discovered their son was gay. What a change that makes from the gay-bashing homophobia that used to exist here.

So it looks like Robert Putnam got it wrong. The truth is that Irish men are happy, not disaffected, with all the changes. Hands together, mammies and dads, and give yourselves a round of applause.