Louis van Gaal became manager of Manchester United in May 2014 and it seems as if ever since then he has been "on the brink" of being fired as Manchester United manager.
This weekend he has reached that point where, in the old Looney Tunes cartoon, Wile E Coyote overshoots the sharp corner on the clifftop and a combination of momentum and a willing suspension of disbelief maintains the illusion that he is okay, until he realises that the ground has disappeared beneath his feet. Then there is a slow second of comprehension before he disappears, screaming, into the abyss.
Van Gaal is in the midst of that slow second right now. He could do worse than take a phone call from David Moyes, his predecessor, who could maybe console himself with the fact that the fall is worse than the landing. Life goes on.
For van Gaal is caught up in the football man’s version of an out-of-body experience. You could see it in those pictures from previously unheard-of Midtjylland on Thursday evening as United fell 2-1 to the lowly Danish outfit. Van Gaal’s face was a study in middle-European blankness when he took over at United, but it sort of crumpled underneath the David Lynch quiff when he was captured in the dugout at this week’s match, head in hands and clearly struggling to equate a lifetime of knowledge in the game with what he was witnessing from his team.
The United fans, after two decades spent mocking the decline of Liverpool, found that their taste for gallows humour had not deserted them and sang: “We’re f****ng s**t”. Not subtle, but honest.
The moment of anguish may become the enduring image of van Gaal's time at United. It was made all the more powerful by the presence of Ryan Giggs, the greying symbol of United's omnipotent years, by his side. Giggsy provides a link between David Moyes and the Dutchman.
Underwhelming results
The obvious thing to do would be to associate Giggs with the underwhelming results in both managerial tenures. But there is an unspoken sense that Giggs is United royalty, a one-club man and emblematic of the higher possibilities of the team. He is like Thomas Cromwell in the court of Henry, there to serve all masters. And his expression as he sat beside van Gaal was perfectly pitched: concerned and solicitous but at the same time removed from the boss’s obvious distress. It is van Gaal’s show, after all.
Van Gaal’s appointment was made after the horribly drawn-out dismissal of Moyes, whose flintiness and self-belief were gradually eroded as the United board refused either to fully endorse him or actually quickly fire him.
Van Gaal breezed in with that glittering but slightly retro CV, more floppy disc than LinkedIn. Yes, his period at Ajax was spectacular and the names – Kluivert, Seedorf, Overmars, van Basten, the de Boers, Davids – were a once-in-many-generations collection of stars. And it was also nearly 20 years ago. But van Gaal's time at Barça was fractious and his period at Bayern was fraught with early wobbles and ended with his sacking despite the Bundesliga title in 2010. He came to United rejuvenated by having guided a thoroughly workmanlike Dutch team to the semi-finals of the World Cup.
It could be argued that the signs that van Gaal was not the right fit for United were apparent as early as that August, when he sent out a team that was beaten 4-0 by Milton Keynes Dons in the League Cup. His first 10 games, rather than give the team the super-surge of confidence and adrenaline needed after the haunted last days of Moyes, were uninspiring.
Why didn’t the board move then, before the spending of £130 million (€170 million) on new players? Van Gaal claimed from the outset that it would take three seasons before the public would fully see the fruits of his labours. Someone wasn’t reading the small print. Three seasons is a luxury that managers are not given now. The hiring and firing of big names is based upon a boardroom anxiety to see instant results and to always, always, be in the picture for the Champions League.
Van Gaal can point to the unfortunate list of injuries: he certainly wouldn’t have fielded a back four that included Paddy McNair and Donald Love by choice during the week. And can he really be blamed for the horrible pass by Michael Carrick, a veteran midfield international, that led to Midtjylland’s first goal? Can he be held responsible for Juan Mata coughing up possession on the edge of his own box and allowing the home side in for a second?
Players never held to account
He can, because the truth is that players are never really held to account. Individually they may be bought and sold as commodities, but when the collective fails to fire, they are considered blameless.
It is interesting, in retrospect, to think back to that strange day when Alex Ferguson, soaking up the adulation of his Old Trafford public, took the microphone and urged the fans to throw their voices behind Moyes, his anointed successor. The inference, intended or not, was: he can never be me, so give him a chance.
And now van Gaal has discovered that he cannot easily displace or exorcise the spirit of Ferguson either. He wanted to manage Manchester United as the final chapter of an idiosyncratic and sometimes brilliant career. Does this season and a half prove that he is a bad manager?
Of course not. It simply demonstrates yet again the stupidity and randomness with which these choices are made at boardroom level. Ferguson’s retirement was a long time coming, but one of the biggest sporting companies in the world was woefully ill-prepared for it. They went for Moyes without ever fully believing he could acquire the necessary egomania to manage a club of that scale.
They went for van Gaal because they knew he at least had that. Neither appointment implied any vision for the first team.
Van Gaal has publicly stated his ambition to win the FA Cup with United, and Monday's visit to Shrewsbury Town should at least bring him one step closer to that. It is likely that Thursday's shaming in Denmark will be avenged in the return at Old Trafford. As embarrassing as the loss was, it wasn't immediately significant.
But even if the Dutchman is permitted to see the season out and manages to win some silverware, there is a feeling that he has reached the point of no return. The Manchester Evening News screamed for his sacking yesterday. The fans have made their feelings plain. Sooner or later, that sense of discontent will filter into the dressing room and the players may decide van Gaal is as good as done.
It is a lonely place, as José Mourinho, the man drumming his fingers and waiting for Ed Woodward to dial his digits, knows well. Mourinho and United have been a rumour for so long that media and public are happy to will it into reality. Both sides should be careful what they wish for.
