In some ways it feels like the summer never happened.
We’re back at school a few weeks now. A tracksuit top, one raincoat, one calculator, a pair of runners, several lunch box lids, all the green crayons and an entire schoolbag have been lost over the course of those treacherous first few weeks in the primary- and secondary-school-year trenches.
It’s all achingly familiar. A bit like the whoops of delight across the WhatsApp subgroups when training or matches are cancelled. Yes, all the parents say, “thanks coaches. See you next week,” but in the subgroups the truth comes out.
If you’re wondering what a Whatsapp subgroup is, it’s a little group formed with members of the original group, where parents who drink margaritas and celebrate not having to stand in the freezing cold and rain on some sideline or other with limited nearby parking say what they really think about stuff.
‘Silent sidelines’ at children’s matches: How utterly depressing that this is where we are
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If you’re not in one, don’t worry; you’re probably just some of the stuff they’re talking about.
But anyway, back to the sidelines.
Back to school means back to the sidelines for many of us; trekking around the county or country, in most weathers, to cheer on your child in their chosen sport. Until, recently, it didn’t.
Recently, the Dublin and District Schoolboys’/Girls’ League announced a silent sidelines campaign to run once a month until the end of the year. Silent sidelines is much like it sounds. All the spectators standing on the sideline must support their child, and team, silently. There should be no shouting, no instruction, no calling out to players and no loud vocal observations. The purpose? “To try and stem the continued bad behaviour from those on the sidelines. It is having a detrimental effect on the players looking to play and enjoy their football.”
Just let that sink in. The behaviour of adults on the sidelines is having a detrimental effect on the children trying to play a game. Have we now reached peak madness, where a phrase once reserved for schoolchildren is perhaps more appropriate for the adults who watch them from the sidelines: if you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all?
“Given the escalation of behavioural and respect issues, particularly from the sidelines from both coaches/parents etc we are holding a ‘silent for all’ weekend”, the DDSL continued in its advice to clubs about the last weekend in September.
“Don’t let inappropriate comments, shouting, aggression, physical violence, and laughing at others whilst supporting or coaching a match become the norm!”
How utterly depressing that this is where we are.
I wasn’t sure at first what to think. Is it not, surely, completely unnatural to stand silently watching your children play? Have I ever managed to watch Ireland or Liverpool quietly? Are these two very, very different things? Yes. But it’s also worth noting I have never felt an urge to shout abuse at a player from the stands – or the couch. So, I don’t think it’s me they’re getting at.
“It’s a balance, for sure. We have silent sidelines for soccer, but sometimes a wee cheer is needed,” one mum offered. It’s a “great idea, but will it work? My sons coaches love fighting with opposition coaches and supporters,” another parent typed.
I lamented having to stay quiet at the match. It doesn’t come naturally.
[ A toxic generation of parents is spoiling sport for US childrenOpens in new window ]
But is it really a step too far? Your view is likely to be tarnished by what you’ve witnessed and what you’ve heard. And as a veteran sideline-stander, I’ve seen and heard a lot. From aggressive swearing and threatening abuse hurled at children on the opposing team, to proud comments from adults about encouraging tackles deliberately intended to hurt, to coaches who really haven’t grasped what children’s sport is and who shouldn’t be let within a mile of kids.
Everyone wants to win. So much so that children are just fodder for aggressive competitiveness from too many delusional adults.
Chez Hogan, we got to witness the silent spectacle from both angles – spectator and coach. “It worked really well”, himself, who is a coach, admitted. “The kids really found a way to encourage each other into their positions and play, and they were happy out,” he said.
“Let the players play and think and learn for themselves”, the DDSL had guided. I wondered at first if the was madness. Children just playing without constant direction or roaring from aggressive parents and coaches. Like we did on the local green in the 1980s and 90s? Having the best craic and loving life? Maybe there’s something in it.
And sure, look, when the parents and coaches learn to behave, perhaps they can get some of their privileges back.
