It was late last year when Chelsea’s Cole Palmer filed an application, which is still under review, with the UK Intellectual Property Office to trademark his crossed-arm “Cold Palmer” goal celebration – and, no, we’re not making this up.
According to IR Global, a company that deals with this class of thing, Palmer is seeking to “protect the celebration’s use across a wide range of goods and services including clothes, alcohol, food, toys, razor blades, aftershave, diet drinks, cars, aftershave, birthday cards, drones and even submarines”. Yes, submarines. Why? No clue.
The trademark application is, though, “not without potential hurdles – opposition to the application could arise from entities claiming prior use of similar gestures”. Enter Valencia’s Diego Lopez.
“I have been doing this celebration for four years and I will continue to do it. In fact I hope to do it more often because it will mean that I have scored a lot of goals. I haven’t received the receipt yet [from Palmer] … I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t have my address.”
The battle to have the right to have that goal celebration depicted on submarines looks like turning into a legal minefield.
Word of Mouth
“If you are one of the worst goalkeepers in Man United’s history you need to take care what you are talking about.” – Lyon’s United old boy Nemanja Matic paying tribute to André Onana before the sides met in the Europa League, Onana having insisted ahead of the game that United were “way better” than the French side. Alas, Onana kinda proved Matic’s point during the game.
“I have been travelling the world for 35 years yet I never get time to really see it. Before I die I want to see what is out there beyond football. I think that’s fair. Big Ben is ticking on, and it says time is up.” – Roma coach Claudio Ranieri (73) insisting that he won’t reverse his decision to retire at the end of the season.
“Put Messi in Roma for 25 years and tell me how many Ballon d’Ors he would win. Do you know how many Ballon d’Ors he would win? Zero.” – Francesco Totti sounding like a man who regrets staying with Roma for his entire career.
In words
“London was Real Madrid’s grave. They have deflated like the bubbles in the champagne of success. Ancelotti’s Real Madrid is a mirror image of the devil who has been punished by hell. Everyone should be ashamed of this team.” − Spanish paper El Mundo responding calmly to that 3-0 Champions League defeat by Arsenal.
In numbers
33 – That’s the percentage rise in Category One ticket prices for this season’s Champions League final, the dearest now €950. The people’s game, you know.
A new model for sponsorship deals
Quirkiest sponsorship deal of the season? It’d be hard to top the one just agreed with Brazilian women’s side Esporte Clube Vitória. Having sponsored the club’s men’s team since 2022, Fatal Model’s name will now appear on the women’s shirts until the end of this year.
“It is with great enthusiasm that we announce the sponsorship of EC Vitória’s women’s football team,” said company director Nina Sag. “In recent years we have had a fantastic experience with the men and now with the women it will be no different.”
“Fatal Model values the principles of sport and the importance of spreading the message of ‘respect, safety and dignity’. We are sure that, together, we will have great achievements.” What is Fatal Model? Eh, an escort agency.
The word is out about football clubs
“We asked ChatGPT to describe every club in the Premier League in just one word – and here’s what it came up with,” reported the Twitter account @The92Bible, according to their pals at Sport Bible.
For Arsenal, it went for “almost” and for Spurs “nearly”, which both set of fans would, perhaps ruefully, concede were fair enough. Similarly, the Chelsea faithful couldn’t argue with “chaos”, nor could Everton quibble with “stress”. Liverpool would no doubt quite like “history” and Manchester City might not object to “machine” even if it hasn’t applied too much this season.
Manchester United? “Nostalgia.” Well, yes. Although surely ChatGPT could have tried a little harder for Wolverhampton Wanderers. The word? “Wolves.”
