There we were, just casually reading the Daily Mirror’s report on Harry Kane moving in to a €30 million mansion near Munich, in an area apparently known as the “Beverly Hills of Bavaria”, when this bit prompted a triple-take: “His new home featured in 2014 German romantic comedy Vaterfreuden. It features a sperm donor who accidentally gets a vasectomy from a ferret.”
These things can, of course, happen, but still, it wasn’t a sentence we were expecting to read in a piece on Harry’s new gaff. And if Vaterfreuden was a romantic comedy, what are German horror movies like?
A bit of (nervous) Googling provided more detail on the ferret incident, but it’s before the watershed so we’ll leave it there. Here’s hoping Harry suffers no such misfortune in his new home, which the Mirror says costs €80,000 a month to rent. A snip.
QUOTE
“A tattoo all the way up my arm would make a serious dent in the world’s ink supplies. I suppose I could get quite a bit of writing down my thigh. A novel, perhaps. Maybe War and Peace.”
Premier League round-up: Gabriel Jesus haunts Crystal Palace again as Arsenal close gap at top
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‘Proud’ Pep Guardiola defends Erling Haaland as Manchester City’s miserable run continues
The one and only – and lofty – Peter Crouch.
NUMBER: 95
That’s (roughly) how many million Euros Jose Mourinho has received in compensation for being sacked – by Chelsea twice, Real Madrid, Manchester United, Spurs and now Roma. Lucrative heave-hos.
Midtjylland sent out to the Scottish highlands
When the winter break was approaching in Denmark’s football season, players were no doubt looking forward to heading to the sun to get some heat in their bones, but Midtjylland had other plans for their squad. According to the Scottish Daily Record, they “were sent out on a survival mission in the freezing Scottish Highlands and ordered to hunt their own food in a team bonding exercise”.
They had their ‘mentality coach’ Bjarne Slot Christiansen, a former soldier with the Danish Special Forces, to thank for this bright idea, Swedish international Kristoffer Olsson sounding less than grateful.
“It’s an experience we won’t forget any time soon. We were out on long hikes and we had to find our own food, where to sleep, water, everything. It wasn’t easy to fall asleep because it was so cold. We were worn out, it was just about survival. It was nice to come back and get some warmth and food. You started to feel like a person again.”
The idea was that the experience would toughen up the players and improve their teamwork. Their first match since the ordeal? A 4-1 thumping in a friendly by Denmark’s AaB. Poor lads were probably still defrosting.
WORD OF MOUTH
“The Premier League winter break means a shorter show. Three games and 45 minutes coming up – a bit like your Aston Villa career, Micah.”
Gary Lineker to poor old Micah Richards on Match of the Day.
“Jadon doesn’t have a discipline problem at all. He only has one problem, he’s late from time to time. His internal clock is not so well-developed.”
Borussia Dortmund CEO Hans-Joachim Watzke intending to deny, but sort of confirming, that Sancho has indeed professionalism issues.
“For Tottenham I said I would come here on foot if necessary, I would have cut myself with a pen and signed with my blood.”
How eager was goalkeeper Guglielmo Vicario to join Spurs from Empoli? Very.
“Yes they look after us, but not enough for my liking. In terms of quality of life, I expected something different. You spend three hours a day in the car. Riyadh is a waste of traffic.”
Aymeric Laporte on life in Saudi Arabia. You’d imagine his €25m salary helps ease the pain.
Politicians high on cringe
Most toe-curling exchange of the week? We’ll go with Sky News’ Kay Burley’s chat with Michael Tomlinson, Britain’s Minister of State for Countering Illegal Migration.
Tomlinson: “I do enjoy watching sport, if you want to ask me about sport then please do.”
Burley: “Who’s your football team?”
Tomlinson: “I don’t really have a football team…..[pause] Wimborne Town Football Club! There we go! Wimborne Town!”
Burley: “What was their last result?”
Tomlinson: “I couldn’t tell you ... the last result when I was there was very exciting, lots of goals were scored. It was a 1-1 draw.”
Lord.
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