The first campaign coach of the presidential election burst unexpectedly on to the scene on Monday in a brief but forceful debut.
It didn’t belong to Fine Gael.
Heather Humphreys travelled to Belfast, but not by bus.
It didn’t belong to Independent candidate Catherine Connolly.
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She went to Tallaght, but under her own steam.
For this was Fianna Fáil’s Embattled Bus, careering around the airwaves all morning until deputy leader Jack Chambers chucked its unsuitable candidate under the moving chassis before the wheels fell off and the engine blew up.
It still didn’t halt what turned into a daylong outing of ignominy for the stunned Soldiers of Destiny.
Fianna Fáil’s runner in the three-way race for the presidency sensationally dropped out on Sunday night, leaving the party in complete disarray.
It was all Micheál Martin’s fault. He thought he was leader of Fianna Foist.
[ A timeline of Jim Gavin’s short-lived push for the presidencyOpens in new window ]
The Taoiseach bought the bus and personally put Jim Gavin, his chosen candidate, on it. He installed himself in the driver’s seat.
Then he ordered his TDs and Senators to get on board. Many of them didn’t want to. Some, led by MEP Billy Kelleher, resisted.
They were right to do so. The Martin candidate bombed.
The fateful meeting of the Fianna Foist parliamentary party, where TDs and Senators bowed to their leader’s will and nominated an untried and untested candidate, has now entered the territory of the thousands who swore they were in the GPO in 1916.
Now loads of them want to say they were one of the braves who stood up to Micheál Martin’s Grand Imposition.
It was a secret vote.
Former Air Corps pilot and Dublin GAA hero Jim was always the wrong fit for the job. But the party leader wanted his Top Gun on the posters and that was that.
The mortification of him having to withdraw in vintage Fianna Fáil fashion over a property issue involving the non-return of overpaid rent money to young tenants invited unwelcome comparisons with Fianna Fáil antics of old.
Throughout Monday, Micheál’s Flop Gun was the only show in town.
This worked out well for Heather Humphreys, now the only centrist candidate standing and the Coalition’s sole standard bearer.
She travelled north to Belfast for a number of engagements, taking up an invitation to visit St Dominic’s Grammar School on the Falls Road, which happens to be former president Mary McAleese’s alma mater.
Unfortunately, much to the chagrin of the journalists present, the school authorities decided not to allow any members of the media inside to witness it.
All Heather could do was a short doorstep in the car park afterwards. But such was the drama unfolding in Dublin, the lack of engagement was overlooked.
Later in the afternoon she would visit Ulster University to meet students and faculty members, including Prof Deirdre Heenan.
But that was going to be behind closed doors too.
Oh, what might have been.
Deirdre was supposedly one of the people on Micheál Martin’s presidential wish list before he reverted to type and indulged his penchant for putting men called Jim in big jobs by plumping for Gavin.
In the car park, the questions were all about his shock departure.
Heather was mindful of the distress her erstwhile Coalition colleagues must be experiencing when asked if she is now calling on Fianna Fáil to back her campaign.
Striking a very presidential note, she didn’t want to intrude on their anguish.
She wished Jim and his family well at this sad time.
She may be a Blueshirt from Monaghan, but the former Fine Gael deputy leader is very broad minded.
“I have many Fianna Fáil friends, I really have. And, y’know, this is a difficult day for them. It is important that we respect that because, y’know, it’s not easy for them.”
Endorsing her campaign is a matter for Fianna Fáil, she said.
So she isn’t seeking Fianna Fáil support?
[ What on earth was Micheál Martin thinking? Jim Gavin clearly wasn’t readyOpens in new window ]
“No, what it means is it’s very early today after that announcement last night. I have many Fianna Fáil friends, I really have, and y’know, this is a difficult day for them,” she reiterated.
“These are the people that went out, they put up posters, they’ve been out canvassing, they’ve been dropping leaflets. So I think it’s important we respect that because it’s not easy for them, but look, I will need votes from everybody . . . I need as many votes as I can get . . .”
Heather had much more to say, but unfortunately, it was the wrong day for it.
Because south of the Border, Gavin posters will be down off the lampposts quicker than the unauthorised Tricolours fluttering above them while Fianna Fáil politicians are eating each other alive even before their showdown parliamentary party meeting.
The Taoiseach defended himself on the evening news. He did this by shoving Jim Gavin under the embattled bus again, even though it’s up on bricks.
And what about the former Dublin manager unfortunately forgetting about the €3,300 rent money?
“He probably buried it in the recesses of his mind,” mused the Fianna Foist leader who (rightly) ruled out Bertie “money in a biscuit tin” Ahern as a viable candidate.
Here’s the best bit.
Apparently Fianna Fáil campaign HQ was expecting a big delivery of Flop Gun Gavin camouflage T-shirts on Monday.
It is not true that Micheál and Jack Chambers were first in the queue, hoping for a means to melt into the background.
Disastrous, Unbelievable, Bizarre, Unprecedented.
DUBU.
