Taoiseach Micheál Martin has spoken about his grief following the deaths of two of his children, saying the experience has informed his philosophy of leadership and battling the Covid-19 pandemic.
Mr Martin and his wife Mary’s son Ruairí, who was born in 1999, died of cot death at just five weeks old. In 2010, the couple lost their seven-year-old daughter, Léana, who had cardiac problems.
Mr Martin said the experience of losing two children has shaped him as a person and he believes that throughout the pandemic the “number one priority [is] to prevent people from dying”.
He said the overall aim “to prevent as many people as possible from dying, as many people as possible from becoming severely ill – that has to be still, in the society we live in, the number one metric”.
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Mr Martin said he has noticed language around Covid slipping to “how many deaths can we tolerate” almost, but for him it is still about “preventing death and preventing severe illnesses”.
“We all have personal experiences in life. It does give me a sense, I think, of the finality of when death occurs in a family, the devastation that occurs to a family.
“When Ruairí died, Ruairí died from a cot death. I think you have a lot of anxiety after that,” Mr Martin said
“Your certainties are removed in life. You are full of optimism as a young person. Something like that hits you and life is no longer full of those certainties. It makes you a more anxious parent it makes you, you have to try and deal with that, you live with that, you know.
“Yeah, I think it has changed me.”
But he said crisis did reinforce his faith in family. “When Léana died, the people and family were fantastic. People around us were fantastic and they got us through what was a terrible trauma in the loss of Léana and Ruairí”.
“I never really talked about it because you always kept it private to protect everybody and I think there is an importance around that too and the dignity of death and our lost ones as well are entitled to that too,” he said.
Speaking on the Brendan O’Connor Show on RTÉ radio, he said the number of letters that the family received showed him there were others in the community also suffering similar loss.
“They came in from people who lost children and so on and they resonated. There are a lot of people out there who have had terrible trauma in their lives. The important thing is family and community and the need to get out there, engage again. You have to get up again and you do have to just get out again,” he said.
Mr Martin said he enjoys going for walks in nature to help. “I do engage with nature a lot and I think that is important in trying to rebuild and develop that kind of resilience. Never forget. Always remember and just engage with people.”
He said his own Christmas “will be quiet. It will be nice”. Mr Martin said the season gives him rest and hope “the days are beginning to lengthen”.
Last year he said he got his children to watch Casablanca and would love to get them to watch Dr Zhivago “but they will look at me with two heads.”
He said he loved past Christmases where he got to stay up late at night “watching Humphrey Bogart – I know that is aging me now a bit, but I just loved the acting”.
Anam Cara provides information, resources and support to bereaved parents after the death of a child of any age — email info@anamcara.ie or phone 085 2888 888
