Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Unless it’s escaped your attention, I’m a terrible father’Sorcha’s decided to go back to work, and wants me to stay home to look after the kidsSat Jun 16 2018 - 06:00
‘Are you saying you want me to be one of those stay-in-bed fathers?’While this conversation is happening, I should mention, the triplets are running amokSat Jun 09 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m the best estate agent you have – and that’s not me being big-headed’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: It’s time to learn some crucial differences between GDPR and CPRSat Jun 02 2018 - 06:00
‘If she’s never met a brat like Honor before, she mustn’t be from around here’There has to be a consequence for ruining Sorcha’s royal wedding porty, hasn’t there?Sat May 26 2018 - 06:00
‘Johnny Sexton was basically saying I’m Leinster and Ireland’s unsung hero’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: So I’m lying on the floor in Bilbao airport – in shockSat May 19 2018 - 06:00
‘Ross, Munster isn’t an ethnicity.’ ‘What about Limerick?’ ‘Limerick isn’t either’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: In fact my ancestors – brace yourselves, goys – are from MunsterSat May 12 2018 - 06:00
‘Priced out of Killiney? That’s what you get for choosing an orts degree!’Ross has done a whole series of advertisements for the ‘Irish Times’ property sectionSat May 05 2018 - 06:00
‘Kielys of Donnybrook could be lost forever. Or, worse, turned into a hipster café’Surely Ross can come up with a plan to save a little bit of southside heritageSat Apr 28 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m not posting bail for Conor McGregor. That focker can use his own money’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: Ronan wants to go to New York and hab a woord with his heerdoSat Apr 14 2018 - 06:00
‘People need to realise ‘Room to Improve’ is just a TV show. It’s not reality’Ross realises that Dermot Bannon has warped the minds of his customersSat Apr 07 2018 - 06:00
‘I’ve chosen Vladimir for my Confirmation name. After Vladimir Putin’Sorcha ends up totally losing it with her: ‘You will not stort using it all the time’Sat Mar 31 2018 - 06:00
‘Instagramming your food will result in you being violently removed from the premises’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: Rude restaurants – in Ranelagh – are back and the family has a bookingSat Mar 24 2018 - 06:00
‘Bouncy castles attract undesirables. They’re not for People Like Us’Just when Ross thought there were no more tears, the floodgates open in BucharestSat Mar 17 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Find another sucker – Mother’s Day or not’Ireland are playing Scotland, but I know my old dear well enough to know when I’m being blackmailedSat Mar 10 2018 - 06:00
‘You had three beautiful children, Sorcha. Plus Honor’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: The Mount Anville past pupils breakfast is like LinkedIn with egg-white omelettesSat Mar 03 2018 - 06:00
Grab It, Trouser It and Leg It: a proper name for an estate agentRoss O’Carroll-Kelly: The agency is now rebanding and our Ross doesn’t like it at allSat Feb 17 2018 - 06:00
‘All these years, I’ve taken the rap for being the unfaithful one’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha’s digging her way through a landfill of old memoriesSat Feb 10 2018 - 06:00
The Gord goes: ‘Do you ever inquire as to what your daughter gets up to online?’‘You’d better look at the video she posted three days ago’Sat Feb 03 2018 - 06:00
‘We’re from South Dublin – none of us want to work for anything’Honor is rude to randomers on Grafton Street – and Ross has never been so proudSat Jan 27 2018 - 06:00
‘When Dricmas falls on a weekend, people are entitled to the Monday off’Ross discovers that his idea of a Holy Day of Obligation doesn’t quite tally with his bossSat Jan 20 2018 - 06:00
‘To my ears, Irish always sounds like someone is hurting a Norwegian’Ross isn’t on board with Sorcha’s Irish resolution – and it’s about to blow up in his faceSat Jan 13 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m the most high-profile Irish rugby player who never got the Leaving?’Ross gets a surprising phone call – it might be time to break out the ‘flat hat thing’Sat Jan 06 2018 - 06:00
‘Your resolution was to become part of the Irish coaching staff. How did you get on?’Sat Dec 30 2017 - 06:00
‘A three-stor hotel? For me that’s the equivalent of a stable’Ross O’Carroll Kelly goes to Cork and finds there’s no room at the Jury’s InnSat Dec 23 2017 - 06:00
‘Don’t forget to leave a very, very large gin and tonic out for, ahem, Rudolph!’A letter from Santa to a young Ross leaves him a little bit choked upSat Dec 16 2017 - 06:00
‘It’s not a rail extension they should be building, it’s a security wall’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly’s mother puts herself on the line to prevent the Luas routes linking upSun Dec 10 2017 - 16:53
‘Dave came back from that HR course like a soldier who’s been to war and can’t speak about it’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: The man who’s standing in front of us is a shell of his former selfSat Dec 09 2017 - 06:00
‘Sorcha looks at the processed cheese sandwich like it’s John the Baptist’s head’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: She believes processed cheese is a slippery slope to drug addictionSat Dec 02 2017 - 06:00
‘You don’t discriminate. You’re a complete pig to absolutely everyone’Ross gets a pep talk from Honor – but that may not actually be a good thingSat Nov 25 2017 - 06:00
‘I have no prejudices. Except people who aren’t from Dublin’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly has been sent for Gender Attitude Reconditioning. It’s not going wellSat Nov 18 2017 - 06:00
‘I know HR is an actual thing, but I struggle to believe it’s real’How many allegations of sexual harassment are there against Ross O’Carroll-Kelly?Sat Nov 11 2017 - 07:47
‘A brain like tiramisu.’ ‘Multi-layered?’ ‘No, soft and full of custard’Hennessy and the old man have bought Hook, Lyon & Sinker, but the way Hennessy’s talking, it’s not looking like yours truly is their first choice for managing directorSat Nov 04 2017 - 06:00
‘My year in UCD was the happiest three months of my life’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Impeachment of a student officer? In the Orts Block? No waySat Oct 28 2017 - 06:00
‘If I get a slap across the face, it’s time to back off. That’s the feminist in me talking’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: My daughter is doing a Closet Purge for her vlog. It involves petrolSat Oct 21 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re a bloody good estate agent. You lack basic humanity’Sat Oct 14 2017 - 06:00
‘Ross O’Carroll-Kelly? I’m arresting you on suspicion of robbery’There are two goys waiting in reception for me. It’s two – literally – gordaíSat Oct 07 2017 - 06:00
‘This is my actual Dad, Ross: a kind of fat rugby has-been’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: It’s like Honor’s had some kind of, I don’t know, personality transplant?Sat Sept 30 2017 - 06:00
‘Ross, you need to come and see what I found in Honor’s room’‘There could be anything in there: a gun, €100k in cash, one of her teachers gagged’Sat Sept 16 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: 'Her breath could put a hole in Jon Snow's wall'The old dear is absolutely bulling over the surprise 70th birthday party I threw herSat Sept 09 2017 - 05:00
‘It’s the Vico Road. No one around here cleans their own gaff’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I whip out the old Southside Roll then and I peel off a 20’Sat Sept 02 2017 - 06:00
‘It still hasn’t dawned on Sorcha that Honor is the wrong crowd’First day in ‘actual Mount Anville’, but the last thing Honor needs is a chaperoneSat Aug 26 2017 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘The anaesthetist is a total knockout – no pun intended’Ross is going under the knife, but counting backwards from 20 is causing problemsSat Aug 19 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: ‘Public transport is for the poor and fallen’The old dear might be ‘entitled’ to free travel, but that doesn’t mean she wants itSat Aug 12 2017 - 06:00
‘Wait until you’re 15 to drink, like all South Dublin girls’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: I see a photograph of a stripper and a hand offering her $20Sat Aug 05 2017 - 06:00
Ross: ‘Hip replacements are for old people. I’m only 37, Dude’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: 'Ross, you soft-as-shite, south Dublin mammy’s boy'Sat Jul 29 2017 - 06:00
‘The doctor says it’s an old rugby injury – I can’t tell you how proud that makes me’Ross finds the past, and tackles by Jerry Flannery, catching up with himSat Jul 22 2017 - 06:00
‘Chakras? I literally haven’t heard anyone mention them since 2008’With Sorcha away at a Himalyan spa near Drumshanbo, experience tells me to be definitely wary of my daughter HonorSat Jul 15 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: ‘I officially name this Robbin’ Island'I’ve hordly ever seen the old man this excited about something non-rugby relatedSat Jul 08 2017 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly’s wedding-day advice: ‘Don’t get caught’The bridesmaids are like zombie-movie extras who did their own make-up on a moving busSat Jul 01 2017 - 06:00
