'Even the use of the word illegal failed to put a smile on his face'The old parental instinct makes you do some crazy things – like walking down Westmoreland Street in a Henri Lloyd jacketSat Oct 31 2009 - 00:00
'The motor stops, then the bouncy castle storts to collapse'You’d need a hord hort in the repossession business, but I’d swear JP’s actually enjoying making these little kids cry.Sat Oct 24 2009 - 01:00
'My Leinster Schools Cup medal suddenly looks like a medallion'I’m supposed to give Sorcha moral support at the bank, but I didn’t know that meant, like, hitting on the bank bird?Sat Oct 17 2009 - 01:00
'He drops eight bags on the table, packed with white powder'I’m no snob, roysh, but I didn’t pay top dollar for this gaff to end up watching soccer and listening to Christy DignamSat Oct 10 2009 - 01:00
'She opens the Lidl bag and her face is lit up like a Gay Pride rally'Not even a borring order could keep me away from Sorcha’s 30th porty – but she’s having, like, a premature mid-life crisis…Sat Sept 26 2009 - 01:00
'He glowers at me like he wants to rip my manhood out'Sorcha’s old man needs my actual help – I’d almost gloat if I wasn’t so hungoverSat Sept 12 2009 - 01:00
'I grab the four-iron and open the door. They don't even flinch'The old dear’s on Oprah, and my aportment building has turned into an episode of ‘The Bill’Sat Aug 29 2009 - 01:00
'You should have switched me and Drico in Holles Street'I don’t mind work – I could watch it all day. But if the old man thinks he can bribe me with nice business cords...Sat Aug 15 2009 - 01:00
'I stared at it for a few seconds, all furry, like an old cinema corpet'I wouldn’t usually eat scobie food, but hey, if it raises the old dear’s blood pressure...Sat Jul 11 2009 - 01:00
'You couldn't sell my used boxers in here for a euro a throw'Sorcha’s stocking up like clothes are going out of fashion – which they may beSat Jul 04 2009 - 01:00
'I'm here to see Rebecca Healy of HDYS - or How Do You Sleep?'The old pair are giving me four hundred Ks to buy myself a penthouse, but anything I can get knocked off goes straight in the…Sat Jun 27 2009 - 01:00
'She looks like she's been bobbing for apples in a deep-fat fryer'This Economic Blahdy Blah is getting ridiculous – how can I possibly give up essentials like a new surfboard?Sat Jun 06 2009 - 01:00
'By lonely trading screen, he watched the share price falling'You already know the tunes – just bring these handy lyrics with you to Croker todaySat May 02 2009 - 01:00
'If you swung on those hairs, you'd hear the Christchurch bells'The old dear, in close-up HD, brandishing a tin-opener – this is scarier than ‘Saw III’Sat Apr 04 2009 - 01:00
'He's got an IQ of 140 - what's the point of him going to school?'Ro’s latest scheme sounds a winner – not sure about the two old goys working for himSat Mar 21 2009 - 00:00
'You're too young to remember the worst of it - the eighties'The old dear’s sob story is so depressing I’ll have to pour the dog an extra-large MerlotSat Mar 14 2009 - 00:00
'The next thing, roysh, the Taxpayers of Ireland stormed the box'I need a funny story to cheer Sorcha up, and the old man’s Croker choker is a doozySat Mar 07 2009 - 00:00
'England, put to the proverbial sword. Rest easy, Little One'The old man’s off on a rugby nostalgia trip – I might have to kick him back to realitySat Feb 28 2009 - 00:00
'If it wasn't for greed there would never have been a Celtic Tiger'ONE F rings me Thursday morningSat Feb 07 2009 - 00:00
'We lived the dream. Even seemed to defy gravity for a while . . .'The goys are having Celtic Tiger withdrawal – time to whip up the old rugby spiritSat Jan 31 2009 - 00:00
'Ah, I been eighty-sixed, Rosser. From every joint in this town. Dunes. Sands. The Hacienda. I been black-booked'My face, Ro's brains, 'Ocean's Eleven' - the casinos of Las Vegas might as well fold... writes Ross O'Carroll-KellySat Dec 27 2008 - 00:00
'Meery and Joseph aren't maddied, but Meery's pregnant. Don't ask how - you're getting into a whole wurdled of trouble there'SORCHA INVITES myself and Ro over to put up the deckies and it's nice, just the three of us, plus Honor, doing it as a kind of…Sat Dec 13 2008 - 00:00
'Fionn cops the deck of cords on the table and Dustin Hoffman on the Liza, and realises straight away what's going down here'OK, Ro's no Rain Man, but that's no reason to pass up a chance to score in VegasSat Nov 15 2008 - 00:00
'I'm presuming that door over there is going to open any minute and six or seven strippers are going to walk in . . .'An election porty? I’ve seen livelier autopsies, but Fionn’s speech gets my attentionSat Nov 08 2008 - 00:00
'I hear this laughter coming from the conservatory - or, as they call them in this part of Foxrock, the orangerie'Sorcha's gran's in shock after a burglary, but if the thieves knew what they missed...Sat Oct 18 2008 - 01:00
'It's at that exact moment that my mobile rings - it's taken Asia an hour and a half to realise that I'm not in the toilet at all'Sorcha's a bit Scoobious about getting back together, but if the old pair can do it...Sat Oct 11 2008 - 01:00
'My eyes are drawn to this humungous framed poster of Ro on the wall, done up like Oliver Twist. He's even got the flat cap'Pimp my own son to sell ketchup? No way - unless the moolah's right, of courseSat Oct 04 2008 - 01:00
'The shopfitters were overrun pretty easily, proving no match for four former Mount Anville girls with placards and a cause'The 'babes against Buckys' are the only thing standing between me and a sweet deal, writes Ross O'Carroll-KellySat Sept 20 2008 - 01:00
'The actual shop floor is like the battle scene out of Bravehort - with 10 times more make-up and 20 times more aggression'Sorcha's dragging me to Ikea, and it's obvious she's still got the hots for meSat Sept 06 2008 - 01:00
'Then she just, like, stares at me for longer than is actually comfortable? I'm thinking, what is she? A crazed fan?'The old pair aren't fooling me with their 'showmance' but how long can I keep fooling Fintan O'Toole that granny's paintings …Sat Aug 02 2008 - 01:00
'Five minutes later there was, like, froth up the walls and two or three grand's worth of Abercrombie shredded on the floor'The coffee wars are heating up, roysh, and Dalkey's turned into a battlegroundSat Jul 26 2008 - 01:00
Cillian goes 'Oh damn - looks like I've double-clicked on thewrong file. This is footage of Honor taking her very first steps'I'm in the office and Cillian storts banging on about the former prime minister of SingaporeSat Jan 26 2008 - 00:00
'I think women have come to recognise,' goes Fionn, 'that big, strong rugby men are into, well, other big strong rugby men'Can it really be true? Is the whole Irish rugby scene actually all about subliminal man-on-man action? And we're not talking …Sat Jan 19 2008 - 00:00
She suddenly storts whistling. Stunning as she is, this girl is a hard hat and a Polish passport away from being a construction workerShe has brains to burn, but more importantly she's, like, seriously low- maintenanceSat Dec 01 2007 - 00:00
'Cillian stops and looks over his shoulder, with the electric screwdriver - I don't know - I suppose you'd have to say poised'I'm looking for the old magic with Sorcha, but instead I find Cillian getting, like, serious brownie points with the help of …Sat Oct 13 2007 - 01:00
