Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: She unbuttons her coat and that’s when I notice that my old dear has had . . . augmentationSorcha and I meet Fionnuala for ‘supper’ and she reveals a big surprise at the dinner tableSat Jan 14 2017 - 01:00
‘I win Most Ingenious Yet Borderline Illegal Use of the Phrase “Within Commutable Distance” award’"All those prophets of doom who said we would never again make the mistakes of the Celtic tiger era have been proven well and truly wrong. We’re not only making those mistakes, we’re making lots of new ones as well.”Sat Jan 07 2017 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘The two of us listen to them roaring at each other’To ensure my daughter enjoys relations visiting at New Year, I decide to play a gameSat Dec 31 2016 - 01:00
‘The turkey shuffles into the room and jumps onto the sofa beside me’Ross is willing to ‘prepare’ Christmas dinner. Until ‘Henshaw’ takes an interest in rugbySat Dec 24 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Going through Honor’s Santa list must be what it’s like to go on Tonight with Vincent BrowneAs Sorcha explains Christmas is all about giving, Ross wants to know at what costSat Dec 17 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘The old man is making a complete orse of himself’Getting linguistically decorative in an attempt to prove the Irish Constitution is unconstitutionalSat Dec 10 2016 - 01:00
‘Have you ever had an episode like this before? Ridiculous question. You could use his orteries for attic insulation’The old man and Hennessy are ‘preparing’ for their day in court with some brandySat Dec 03 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I wouldn’t be any kind of best man if I didn’t try to persuade you not to get married’Ronan has a favour to ask Ross – and a cover-up he needs some help withSat Nov 26 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I think it was JFK who said that politics was the something-something of something-something else’The old man is thinking about building a wall – and that new wig looks awfully familiarSat Nov 19 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: When she was born, the midwife smacked her orse and Sorcha fake-smiled her backSorcha puts on a good act. But then she’s a true south Dublin girlSat Nov 12 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Don’t be frightened,’ I went. ‘It’s just latex and make-up – but you can call her Granny’Honor threw her orms around her. They’ve always been close. Two wagonsSat Nov 05 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Maybe we should have this conversation again when you’ve slept off whatever book you were drinking tonight’In an effort to talk his way out his cheating ways, Ronan acccidently asks his girlfriend to marry himSat Oct 29 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘God, I could tell you some stories about my debs days. Like the one where I went to two different debses on the same night’Sorcha puts a giant Loub in it, leaving Ronan to cover up – badlySat Oct 22 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re a dirty dog. And I can’t tell you how proud that makes me feel’Ross has caught Ronan out in a lie – but it might not be the best time for a father/son chatSat Oct 15 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Women, these days, want more. I say let them have it. I’m just not sure I’m the man to give it to them’Sorcha’s plan to have me date Sunneva is all well and good, but’s it’s hard to concentrate with the rugby on the tellySat Oct 08 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: She’s like, “I’m not asking you to go to bed with her, Ross. I’m just asking you to flirt with her on the phone.”I tell Sorcha: “I literally can’t believe you’re asking me this. It feels like you’re.”“What?” “I’m going to use the phrase ‘pimping me out’.”Sat Oct 01 2016 - 04:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘No one goes to lectures before Christmas’‘Matter of fact, I never went to a single lecture the entire time I was here’Sat Sept 24 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘The only Cillian I know is her ex, who worked as a risk assessor for an insurance company. I call him Love Actuary’It started as just a meal, but it seems likely to end in an interventionSat Sept 17 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Did you hear that, Shadden? George Clooney is one of Hennessy’s neighbours!’To tell you the truth, I’m only here to stop my old man getting inside Ronan’s headSat Sept 10 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Honor is pacing in front of the cage, glowering at 200 terrified kids’There’s a new ‘Safe Zone’ set up in Honor’s school – not that she’ll ever need itSat Sept 03 2016 - 05:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: 'You can’t even figure out lineout codes without moving your lips'An extract from 'Game of Throw-ins' by Ross O’Carroll-Kelly, published by Penguin Ireland on 1st SeptemberThu Sept 01 2016 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: 'Bucky is pinning me to the deck. I feel like I’m trapped under rubble'An extract from 'Game of Throw-ins' by Ross O’Carroll-Kelly, published by Penguin Ireland on 1st SeptemberWed Aug 31 2016 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: "And, just like that, I’m suddenly a rugby player again"An extract from 'Game of Throw-ins' by Ross O’Carroll-Kelly, published by Penguin Ireland on 1st SeptemberTue Aug 30 2016 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘We can hear them chanting through the walls of the dressing room – in other words, the ladies toilets’Ronan has a big fight ahead, but Ross is keeping his eye on a different battleSat Aug 27 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Who’s Reggie Corrigan? I’ll focking show you’Father Fehily used to say that the race doesn’t go to the fastest - it goes to the smartestSat Aug 20 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘After 2km, I’m wheezing like a 60-cigarettes-a-day man while Garret isn’t even breathing heavily’Rosser’s drug-fuelled preparations have been thrown into disarray - but Ronan has a surprise to springSat Aug 13 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘He’s got 12 months of hord training behind him. All I’ve really got is drugs’Taking on Garret in Toronto is the only way to wipe that moustache off his faceSat Aug 06 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘That’s a side-effect of these pills – short-term memory . . . thingy’Those pills I bought at the gym are great: no side-effects – apart from rapid hair growth and hallucinationsSat Jul 30 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘What’s happening with your face?’ ‘I’m thinking. I’m thinking deeply’I race up the stairs, pull down the Stira and clamber into the attic. I flick the light and that’s when I see it...Sat Jul 23 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I suddenly feel the kind of shame that only a couple of lunchtime pints can help erase’Supplements? Okay, I have to admit, that doesn’t sound as bad as drugs. What do they do?Sat Jul 16 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: 'Lambay Island. Or – as it will soon be known – Aquatraz'Ross is shocked to learn his father and Hennessy are opening Ireland’s first private prisonSat Jul 09 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘Do you want to be the fedda puking he’s ring up on the soyud of the road?’Ross’s decision to enlist Ronan to help with his training may have been a bad moveSat Jul 02 2016 - 08:30
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I’m throwing up - a pavement pizza with everything on it’Ross’s attempt to prove his prepartions for Toronto marathon are on track end badlySat Jun 25 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘Claire doesn’t have, like, a Wicklow Wicklow accent? she’s very, very nearly South Dublin’Honor refuses to go to Toronto in case she comes back sounding like she’s from BraySat Jun 18 2016 - 05:46
Ross O'Carroll Kelly: ‘Are you familiar with Countdown?’ Of course they are – they were in UCDSomeone pushed JP down the stairs and now he has asked Ross to run his estate agencySat Jun 11 2016 - 04:29
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re like a young Katie Hopkins – except more, I don’t know, evil?’‘She says the Women’s Mini Marathon is South Dublin’s equivalent of The Twelfth – where the fit get to lord it over the unfit in the street’Sat Jun 04 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: JP’s dad won’t be able to show his face in Doheny & Nesbitt’s againI look at his old man. His eyes are full of tears. ‘Dude,’ I go, ‘you don’t need to listen to this’Sat May 28 2016 - 05:17
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I can see Honor standing in the wings, giving Miss Pallister the famous one-finger salute’‘South Side Story’ is my daughter’s modern, south Dublin take on the original, exploring the gang rivalry between the children from Educate As One and Gaelscoil Naomh EithneSat May 21 2016 - 05:45
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘She might have fitted into the dress on our wedding day, but now, well...’Let me see if there’s a delicate way to say this – there’s a lot more Sorcha than there is dressSat May 14 2016 - 05:06
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I put Leinster on the Census form as my religion’Estate agents don’t die – they just come back with pointier shoes.Sat May 07 2016 - 05:45
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, it’s a pretty good indication you’re never going to’‘You won’t regret it! You’re going to be a solicitor to one of Ireland’s leading criminal gangs!’Sat Apr 30 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I could tell you the word she used except “The Irish Times” probably wouldn’t print it’We watch Honor’s little shoulders horden. She goes, “Excuse me?”I already feel sorry for Miss Pallister – for what she’s about to invite on herselfSat Apr 23 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I can’t wait to see Denis O’Brien wipe the floor with you in the High Court’Saw the old man on ‘Claire Byrne Live’ the other night and I don’t think he looked wellSat Apr 16 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: doing a hard sell on Inchicore as an estate agent“He’s squinting at me with deep distrust – like me the first time I saw the Obama Plaza”Sat Apr 09 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘Honor is naturally gifted on the piano. She’d want to be – we’ve spent about 12 grand on lessons’Positive feedback is another thing that children need. I should teach this stuff in a classSat Apr 02 2016 - 05:45
Ross O’Caroll Kelly: ‘The last time JP had his hand on a breast, it came out of a bucket with Colonel Sanders’ face on it’JP’s old man is sitting up in the bed. The dude looks horrendous. He’s as white as Oscars night and you’d find more meat on an eggbeaterSat Mar 26 2016 - 05:45
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I haven’t heard the word pronoun since I sat the Junior Cert’Claire and Garret’s friend Saul wants to be called ‘they’ – are they for real?Sat Mar 19 2016 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Are you the same guy who first called Mullingar the Gateway to Dublin?’If JP is crazy enough to think he can take the chest-bump out of selling houses, he’s crazy enough to do anythingSat Mar 12 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I make sure to just say it in my mind. Because that’s being a good husband'“You’re too much of an idealist, Sorcha. You look at the world and you think, ‘How can I make it better?’ whereas real leaders look at the world and think, ‘How can I make it pay?’”Sat Mar 05 2016 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Chorles wants to turn Lambay Island into a prison for people who don’t pay their water bills’‘Sorcha reaches for the envelope in front of her. The colour runs out of my old man’s face. He’s from that generation of men who were once aroused by brown envelopes but now live in fear of them.’Sat Feb 27 2016 - 12:00
