The end of term is almost upon us. We’re creeping towards those final Nativities, Christmas concerts, carol performances and Christmas exams.
The WhatsApp groups are alight with discussion and talk at the school gates has turned to, “what will we buy the teacher for Christmas?”
But should it?
How do parents and teachers really feel about Christmas gifts for teachers? And if parents are going to send a gift, what do teachers really like to receive?
RM Block
We spoke to some parents and teachers to ask all.
“Depending on affordability, to pay a tenner twice a year to get a gift for someone who plays such an important part in your child’s life is a small way of showing appreciation”, says one of the parents, James. “And, in fairness, most of the teachers thoroughly deserve it”.
It’s a sentiment echoed by Freya. “I think it’s a nice token of appreciation. We do class gifts for those who would like to donate any amount of euro,” she explains.
Michael also feels a gift at Christmas is well earned. “Any teacher who has to put up with my kids for that amount of time deserves wine!”
Catherine, meanwhile, even goes so far as to organise the collection herself. “I organise the parents’ gift for the fabulous Montessori teachers.” There are six teachers, she says. “Families give €20 each. That covers them all and we buy them a big voucher for somewhere nice.”
But while some parents are completely on board with the idea of Christmas gifts for the teachers, others, for various reasons, feel quite differently. Susan, a parent of three, feels things have “gotten out of hand” when it comes to Christmas gifts for teachers. Especially because many parents have multiple teachers to buy for. “It used to be you sent in something small. Then it got to the stage where people were buying €20 coffee vouchers.”
That’s fine if you’ve got one teacher, she says, but her primary schoolchildren each have a main teacher and a support teacher. “You’re already at €80 there.”
Her youngest child attends Montessori where there are three teachers. “Last year it was €150 by the time I got everyone something.”
Susan’s sibling is a teacher and says presents are often regifted. “I don’t think teachers for the most part actually want it,” she says, describing the multiple boxes of chocolate and mugs that are given. She says it’s easy for other people to say, “well then just don’t do it. You can’t just not do it, because them your kid will be the kid that goes in empty handed. My eldest would feel that kind of difference. He would know he was the only one who didn’t have something and then he’d feel conscious of it and worry that someone might comment on it.”
Susan can’t understand why the school doesn’t enforce a no-presents policy. “There’s a very strict policy from the school on things like healthy lunches. There’s a very strict no birthday party invites policy, where you’re not allowed send in birthday invites for fear that somebody might be excluded, which is great. So they can enforce this sort of thing when they want to … but there’s never anything about teacher gifts. It just puts unnecessary pressure on families,” And, she says, “it’s twice a year, as you’ve got to do it again at summer”.
Sarah has two children. She worries she’ll sound “like such a Scrooge”, but feels for those teachers who have permanent, pensionable jobs, that should be enough. “You’ve got great work benefits, great life balance, super holidays. That in itself is the reward.”
She questions how Christmas gifts for teachers became the norm, but adds, “a class present is so much better than individual presents. I don’t get presents in my job at Christmas. And I’ve never had a bonus in my entire life in my working career ... My husband doesn’t get a bonus in his job either.
“It’s strange because we exclude loads of different people, but then there’s this pressure to add in more people – it’s the teacher, it’s the SNA [special needs assistant], it’s the lollipop man or woman, it’s the caretaker, it’s the secretary. And then you’re paranoid that you’re going to miss out on somebody.
“I will always give the money. At the moment it’s a tenner per child,” she says. But, she says, there are teacher collections twice a year, raffles, sponsored walks, school fairs, Christmas jumper days. “It’s just constant money, money, money and I just feel that this is something that’s not necessary.
“I feel very sorry for parents, particularly in this very real cost of living crisis, who have several children in primary school ... it does all add up at Christmas and summer.”
Sarah says, however, she would “never not pay it”.
She says there is a “hierarchy” to the collection distribution. “The teacher gets the most, then the SNA, then the resource teacher. It’s often the SNA and the resource teacher who are the lowest paid and maybe it would be nice to give an equal share of the gift.”
Claire says: “It’s really expensive if you have children in an autism class”, where there are “at least three staff, plus a bus driver and escort” to factor in. “The teachers and SNAs do incredible work. And working with our incredible children can be challenging sometimes. So you want to mark that and give them a gift to show your appreciation and gratitude. But it adds up.”
Claire has a child in a mainstream class, too. “We give €10 twice a year. The teacher gets a lovely gift and it doesn’t break the bank. Just a comparison. I would describe this as another hidden cost to parents with children with a disability.”
Teachers, too, have varying views on receiving Christmas gifts. While some admitted to appreciating receiving a gift – and if you’re wondering what they like best, home-made cards and pictures, vouchers, and wine topped the list [but more on the wine one later] – others were “mortified” by the practice.
Aoife is a post-primary teacher. “In 27 years, I’ve never received a Christmas present. Nor should I,” she says. “There is absolutely no need for parents to gift teachers at Christmas, especially post-primary. It’s an added pressure that no family should have to shoulder.
“I can understand a gift to a primary teacher who has been involved in a school show or carol service. A thank you gift. But at post-primary, where do you draw the line? Tutor? Year heads? Classroom teacher?”
Carol, as a teacher and parent of three children, has seen it from both sides. She believes teachers’ present collections can be “a popularity contest. Who’s the most popular teacher? Who wants to be the most popular parent?”
It’s a particular vibe she’s witnessed with certain classes. “To me, the way I would look at it is cynically it’s almost to be buying indulgence with the teacher.”
She has even witnessed it come down to a vote as to who gets to do the collection.
Buying presents for the teacher has “almost become a social norm”, she says. “I don’t encourage it, but anytime I have received a gift, I have received it in the gesture in which it was offered ... but there is certainly no expectation. If you were to ask me for a recommendation for a gift, I would say arts and crafts supplies … because we rely on self-funding it. Absolutely, the capitation isn’t there for it.
Deirdre is a teacher. Her own child recently started preschool. “You always know the families in the school that wouldn’t have as much money as other parents. You’d always feel bad that they might feel under pressure. Some families won’t care; they just won’t give you anything. And then other families, you can see that they’re trying to get something, but really it’s just a token to be seen, to give something. Because some kids get really upset when they see other children handing you a present and they don’t have anything for you.”
She’s realising the pressure herself now. “This year my son is in preschool and some of the other parents were saying, ‘oh what are you getting the teachers?’ And I never even thought to get his preschool teacher a present. It just didn’t cross my mind. He has three teachers. I’m job-sharing this year and I’m not permanent. We’re really feeling the pinch.
“Now it’s really making me think of how families must feel. I’m going, ‘Oh my God do I buy three presents? Do I get them something to share? Can we even afford this? How much do we spend?”
Deirdre doesn’t want parents buying things for her for the sake of it. “The other side is you don’t want to be ungrateful, but you don’t need 10 more notebooks at home, or more mugs.”
“We don’t need to be doing this and we’re nearly contributing to the financial pressure that everyone’s [feeling] and creating waste.”
And the age-old question of whether wine is an appropriate gift for a child to give. Both parents and teachers seemed fairly split on this.
Not knowing people’s circumstances or relationship with alcohol, and the normalising and optics of a child gifting alcohol, were enough to convince some parents and teachers that it wasn’t a good idea. While others admitted they’d be delighted to receive such a gift.
One parent suggested the compromise of a shop voucher, so if the teacher wants, they can “buy the wine themselves”.
